[That much of a monster. Shinjiro has never thought of Erik as a monster -- even now that he knows about the marks, he doesn't feel any particular fear or revulsion toward him. He doesn't understand him, either, because having dreams and goals never really landed anywhere on Shinjiro's radar even before Castor crushed that home and his spirit along with it -- but he admires him, in a way. Erik dreams of a world where nobody gets stabbed in prison or left behind in a fire or stranded as a child with a parent's corpse and a shattered life. He believes a better world is possible.
Shinjiro never did. And maybe at another time, this would have quieted him. Maybe if the hour were less late and Shinjiro were less raw or the moment less fraught he might have been able to at least disengage. Might have been able to realize all they had for each other were their sharp broken glass edges.
Instead, what slips out is something he never meant to say out loud.]
I want to know why you don't hate me!
[Hot tears finally overflow and leak out. He's always been careful to hide it from Erik if their conversations got too painful, but that's impossible here. He doesn't even try to stop them. Once the outburst has passed, his anger slowly crumbles into something more like despair.]
You're...I thought you'd...understand --
[Erik never told him it wasn't his fault. And Shinjiro has longed for someone to punish him for so, so long. His voice cracks in his throat, and this time the look in his eyes is far too young, like a child desperate for reassurance]
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Shinjiro never did. And maybe at another time, this would have quieted him. Maybe if the hour were less late and Shinjiro were less raw or the moment less fraught he might have been able to at least disengage. Might have been able to realize all they had for each other were their sharp broken glass edges.
Instead, what slips out is something he never meant to say out loud.]
I want to know why you don't hate me!
[Hot tears finally overflow and leak out. He's always been careful to hide it from Erik if their conversations got too painful, but that's impossible here. He doesn't even try to stop them. Once the outburst has passed, his anger slowly crumbles into something more like despair.]
You're...I thought you'd...understand --
[Erik never told him it wasn't his fault. And Shinjiro has longed for someone to punish him for so, so long. His voice cracks in his throat, and this time the look in his eyes is far too young, like a child desperate for reassurance]