peninhand: official art (aaa 004)
Monika ([personal profile] peninhand) wrote in [community profile] ximilia 2021-07-06 02:12 am (UTC)

I guess what weirds me out the most is the continuity.

When I was a program, I lived in a sort of simulated world? Think like a video game. On the surface, it looks like the real thing. But if you take a closer look, you quickly realize it's a poor imitation of reality. There's only so much food the developer will bother to code into the game. What about the taste? The clothes? The diversity? Little details like that pile up and before long, it becomes obvious nothing is real.

Well, the video game analogy is easy so I'll go with it. And it's pretty relevant besides, ahaha! I was a NPC there, except I'd been programmed to be aware of it all. Unless it was a bug that gave me consciousness... I'm not totally sure. My creator never talked to me. I think he avoided it. But well, sometimes things felt normal, as if I was human. Of course, it was a pretty empty and hollow life. And by keeping the video game analogy— At any given time, the player could reset the game. Or fast forward. Or worse, turn off the game.

So like I could be in the middle of writing a poem, and suddenly I found myself back in a classroom. I could be doing an important task and suddenly the entire thing was turned off. Regular NPCs wouldn't notice a thing but for me it was pretty... Well, that's not an experience I'd wish on anyone, ahaha!

I'm really enjoying how it feels now, though. It's like up until now someone was playing with me and now I'm free. I'd felt pain before, but now it's like the sensations are more varied, more diverse. And it's getting a little used to, not having things skip all the time. Sometimes after I'm done talking to someone, I expect things to fast forward or reset.

Oh man, I've been rambling, huh? I guess we have that in common, ahaha!

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