[ rita can't ignore it or turn her eye away from it. after years of hearing it, the reminders of her selfishness, of her own self-indulgence for empty praise and flattery, she recognizes plenty of words that she has accused herself of, time and time again.

so, she's, no doubt, angry. enough that she reaches to itachi through the earpieces, with all attempts to put on a brave face and make her stand. ]

Don't you dare.

Don't think that because I am choosing not to wallow in guilt and self-hatred every second that I live on this station, that I don't know the damage we've done — the damage I've done. I know the danger I became on Viveca's world and that sometimes I hurt people I mean to save, as we all do.

I know that I am not a good person. I chose to be here because of that. Because I haven't always done good deeds. But that does not mean—

That doesn't mean we can't have good things. That we don't still deserve some of it.

[ her voice nearly cracks and she inhales a breath, but she can feel it. the part of her that takes over when she remembers the hatred for herself. she swallows. ]

We still deserve to laugh and to watch movies and share stories. We deserve to uplift each other to remind ourselves we can keep going even when it's been hard on everyone. We can still be heroes even if we screw up over and over and over again.

So, fuck you — if you think that everything I try to do for you all is nothing but a fantasy because, guess what — I have already spent over sixty damn years angry at myself for my choices and I will not spend my time here in misery, punishing myself all over again, all because you don't know a shred of what it means to try to find a single spark of good in your life.