[ text ] un: aragaki; like 4 am

[petsthedog]

[It comes on the network like an intrusive thought -- because it is. Because Shinjiro can't sleep, even with all the talk of distracting activities like movies and pumpkin carving and costume parties. (Where do you even get costumes on a spaceship, anyway?)

Because he can't stop thinking about what Olexa said in that building, at the end. Would you die trying to get that stone back? Cheri's motivations were selfish, but then, aren't theirs too? So-Yeon's hadn't been, and while she'd surrendered the orb, what if she hadn't? What about the next mission?]

do you think the orb is worth killing people for

Comments

private; cw suicidality

[petsthedog]

If it works out like they say, it'll be a second chance for somebody, sure.

[Not him, though. If he's honest, even staying alive now is kind of exhausting.]

private; cw suicidality

[spacedisaster]

Why it couldn't be both? I understand feeling guilty, we're all stuck here in this situation for that very reason. But guilt is supposed to help us grow and learn, you don't have to carry it to a point it becomes unbearable.

[ Says the guy who feels responsible for the extermination of half of all life in the universe. Just do as he says, Shinjiro, not as he does. ]

private; oops formatting

[petsthedog]

[Something seems to snap inside Shinji right at that moment. The hour is late, he's tired, he's miserable, and one's filter in that situation is stretched thin enough already without an earpiece that translates your thoughts into text. The thought slips out before he can catch and bury it.]

it ever occur to you maybe i don't want a second chance?

private; ehh, it's all good

[spacedisaster]

[ Those are some pretty heavy subjects to discuss at this time of the night, Peter's also a bit lost. ]

Yes, quite recently in fact.

[ Peter understands the reason, but he's having none of it. ]

Then, let's go for a simple question. What do you want?

[petsthedog]

[To undo his regret and then die, he thinks. That one, though, he manages to catch. He doesn't mean to be cruel to this man, who just wants to help--even if that help makes all his skin prickle with discomfort, as though it could up and depart his body to escape the sensation.]

what we were promised
same as everyone else

[spacedisaster]

[ Peter isn't trying to annoy him on purpose either or make him feel uncomfortable. He just doesn't know any better, and he doesn't know who else here could be able to help Shinjiro either. Are there are therapists in this space station? ]

You know what I mean, don't dodge the question. Is too late to talk in circles, man.

[petsthedog]

tch
you don't actually wanna hear the real answer
so just let it go
don't worry about me alright

[Shinji,,, you just directly confessed to being suicidal to this guy,,,]

[spacedisaster]

Give it a try and don't worry about me being scandalized.

[ Pretty much. And anyway, Peter has experienced worse. His life is never normal. ]

[petsthedog]

[The pause is long enough for Peter to assume that Shinjiro's stopped replying, maybe finally gone The Fuck to sleep.

Perhaps unfortunately for them both, he has not.]

fine
i want to be done
to stop already
i'm tired


happy now?

[spacedisaster]

[ Peter feared that this would be the answer. It takes Peter a couple of minutes before he can come up with an answer. This is getting out of hand. ]

Ey, why don't you meet me in the simulation room? It's clear that none of us is going back to sleep, and I prefer in-person conversations.

[petsthedog]

[Another significant pause.]

if you're worried i'm gonna hurt myself or shit like that you can save it
i still got some unfinished business, alright?
i'll be fine

[spacedisaster]

[ Why yes, of course he is worried. It would be stupid not to, it would be wrong to just ignore what Shinjiro's just said. But telling him that is probably a sure way to have the boy hang up on him. ]

Fine is a relative term.

But I just wanted to show you something.

[petsthedog]

[He debates how likely he is to get preached at if he agrees, for a minute. Then:]

whatever
i'll be there in ten

[spacedisaster]

See you.

[ Peter is aiming for distracting, rather. By the time Shinjiro gets there, he's by the door after having programmed the room to look like the interior of his ship, the Benatar. And when looking from the huge cockpit windows, a colorful nebula will be greeting them. ]