"erik stevens" | killmonger | n'jadaka (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
scarcastically) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ximilia2021-10-21 05:04 pm
scarcastically) wrote in ximilia2021-10-21 05:04 pm
( video | un: jaguar )
[ the feed starts with him lying in his bed, tossing a ball up and down nonchalantly. there's a restless energy to him, feline and listless. ]
Hey, so like what really happens when people leave? Do they just go "nah I'm out" and go home? Do they explode? Does the orb, like, look deep in their hearts and consider them not worthy?
Kind of interesting, right? What's the criteria here?
My money's on cloning, personally.
[ a beat. ]
So we're down a genius. The princess of Wakanda high-tailed it out of here. I managed to snag some stuff from our last mission so I have a few prototype sonic disruptors ready to go plus one magic bow. Finally got that battery workin'. First come, first serve.
Hey, so like what really happens when people leave? Do they just go "nah I'm out" and go home? Do they explode? Does the orb, like, look deep in their hearts and consider them not worthy?
Kind of interesting, right? What's the criteria here?
My money's on cloning, personally.
[ a beat. ]
So we're down a genius. The princess of Wakanda high-tailed it out of here. I managed to snag some stuff from our last mission so I have a few prototype sonic disruptors ready to go plus one magic bow. Finally got that battery workin'. First come, first serve.
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[ Sam shrugs lightly. ]
Could ask Viveca. See if she coughs up the info on the regrets of people who are gone. Or maybe it's a weird kinda HIPAA deal and she won't tell. Or...
[ Sam raises his eyebrows, fingers light tapping against his glass. ]
Consider that Shuri had no reason to tell me, but even less to lie to me. Nothing to be gained from me she didn't already have through other avenues.
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And what did she tell you?
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[ Sam considers Erik. That brief glance, sharp and brittle. ]
She was gonna bring you back.
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he swallows tightly. picks up the glass. takes a long swing. the burn helps. the burn always does. ]
That wouldn't fly. T'challa would never allow. The Elders would flip.
No, it doesn't make any sense.
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[ Sam's lips curl a little, but the amusement is soft - not at Erik's expense, but a gentle thing at Shuri's existence. ]
Any Elders flipping out would probably have been a bonus in her eyes. Nah, man. Her mind was set on you. Don't think she would've let anyone tell her no on this.
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[ his voice has gone rough around the edges. like it's ready to crack. ]
You don't get to say no without consequences. How else do you think my dad and I got screwed over?
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[ Sam acknowledges that, takes another sips, holds Erik's eyes. ]
She wasn't here to defend her father or her country. Not with one breath. She wasn't here because her brother sent her. She was just here to get you back. 7 and a half years - 2 and a half for her. And she still came for you, nothing else. Doesn't have to make sense - if that's where her heart's at, it's where it's at.
[ A slow exhale, Sam shrugs a shoulder. ]
Shoulda been hers to tell you. Don't mean you don't deserve to know it.
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[ it's why erik didn't let t'challa save him. he's not as though he begrudges that choice, but like hell he'd let himself be subjected to it. no, he rather be dead. a final end. that's how it works. there are winners and losers and he lost.
his shoulders lock together, tight. even though he said, erik knows he still wanted more. the brief flicker of hope when shuri arrived hadn't died out, no matter how badly he wanted to extinguish it.
that maybe, just maybe, his family had wanted him back, even with the way he is now.
but it's a fantasy. he's not just the loser, but he's lost. just like his father said he was, with tears in his eyes. ]
Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm still here, it wasn't going to work. Don't think I would have come back 'nyway. What was I gonna do in a world that didn't want me?
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[ Sam lightly clinks his glass against Erik's, raises his eyebrows. ]
Try to allow yourself to be alright knowing you mattered enough to her to make a shady interstellar deal to get you back. Even if it didn't work out.
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but where does that leave him? he doesn't have an answer. ]
Still don't get why she did it. S'not like I did her any favours.
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[ Sam's best friend tried to kill him. Total of three times. Ruined a totally good car in the process, too. It was a nice car. Sam still mourns it sometimes. ]
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It mattered enough when they killed my dad.
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Yeah. But she ain't her old man. I know you hate it - and I know you think it's for the wrong reason, and that ain't for me to disagree with - but something changed in Wakanda, and it changed because of you.
[ Sam inclines his head. ]
I told you who I'm here for and why, and that kid may well try to kill me again if that works out. Is it so hard to believe someone would look at you, and likewise decide you deserved better?
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[ and that's easy to say, the low simmer of anger in his throat. an anger that can never be fully banished. ]
The Black Panther didn't look back. None of them did. All that blood, all that killin' — just to get my foot through the door. I threw their king off a fucking cliff, followin' their rituals, their traditions. And it was the only time they looked at me with respect.
[ a dark chuckle. ]
The whole thing just makes you sick.
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T'Challa didn't die, then. Is still king. And Wakanda opened its borders - and kept them open even during those five years that T'Challa and Shuri were both dead. Whoever pushed for change in the wake of Erik's attempt to conquer made sure it would stick. And that's the saddest part of it, isn't it. That Erik, in the end, toppled nothing and no one, that the world doesn't know this happened in Wakanda. A revolution, started and stopped within the blink of an eye. Erik left his mark, but only, it seems, on T'Challa and Shuri - and not on the rest of the world.
Sam thinks of Isaiah then, of a statue in the Smithsonian because even if he couldn't change anything for Isiah now, he'd wanted the world to know him, remember him, honor him. Wanted to make sure the world would be reminded, too. He doesn't know if people in Wakanda speak of Erik, if his name is ingrained in the Outreach program, if he's remembered as more than a short, violent period of unrest by people other than his family. ]
I'll be here to remind you, then. That even if it was too little, even if it was too late, you mattered to someone. She looked back. And I don't think she had respect for the man who seized the throne - but I do think she felt for the man who was fighting to be heard. And it's okay if that's too hard to carry yet. You ain't gotta do that alone, either. Even if you'd prefer to.
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[ "everyone dies. that's just life around here." he takes his last sip of his drink, draining it. of course, erik's had a fair hand in killing the people close to him as well. everyone with their uses, in clear delineated zones. he learned that lesson too well.
he shakes his head. ]
And I'm not a charity case. You get bogged down by everyone's shit, you'll never get around to solvin' your own.
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[ Empathy isn't pity, either. Add it to the list of things Sam doesn't expect the man to actually be able to accept or internalize. ]
Look at us. We're getting better at these talks.
[ Not so subtly dodging the hint to take care of his own shit. Sam's shit is fine, and if it ain't, he'll at least do as good a job as he can at pretending it is. Steve and Natasha are gone, again. Bucky's leaving, sooner or later.
It's fine. He's fine. ]
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Dunno 'bout that. And you're dodging. Sounds like your shit got heavier in the last few months.
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[ A slight tightening of Sam's own lips, but he keeps his cool beyond that.
No point in hiding that fact, honestly. Natasha Romanoff and Steve Rogers disappearing is going to be very obvious now that they're back on the station, if it wasn't before.
Natasha's presence had been a balm, a second chance. Steve's... more complicated than that. Losing both is like old wounds ripped open again. ]
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[ yeah she told him. it's a weird respect among assassins. ]
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No. She's not. [ A beat. ] You asking how I'm handling it?
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[ hint: it's not well. sam's probably good at hiding it with friends and other people. but erik's best work comes from breaking people apart and seeing their insides. ]
Just figured it's easier with a somewhat unrelated party.
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[ Without heat. Sam doesn't bother confirming or denying. What's the point of that? Besides, they ain't that close. Sam's not going to reveal his grief here, nor will he bother vehemently denying it. ]
We're all carrying it.
[ Him, Yelena, Tony. Steve before he disappeared. Bucky, in that he's helping Sam carry himself. ]
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Carrying it where? Unless you're really buying what this place is selling.
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[ Grief, PTSD... be it war or other trauma. You carry it. You help others carry it. Until the weight becomes bearable. ]
As for this place. I've seen what some magic stones can do. So do I believe some of the promises made could be delivered? Sure. Do I think they will be delivered? I doubt it's gonna be that easy. Things usually aren't.
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