peasant: (Default)
☀️ ᴀʟɪɴᴀ sᴛᴀʀᴋᴏᴠ. ([personal profile] peasant) wrote in [community profile] ximilia 2022-03-24 12:43 pm (UTC)

[ deliberately, she doesn't make the same shift to voice, yet. there's something safer in sharing her truths behind the shield of a written word — vulnerable, without twisting the knife in completely. even then, a pause ticks by, half-tempted to insist he hasn't fully denied her claim.

finally, after a handful of minutes:
]

how many of us were in the room with cheruvia on braccia? and she was still stronger than all of us combined.
we wouldn't have a group imprisoned if binding the highest one was all it took.
that's a suicide mission. it won't work. are you trying to add your death onto the pile?
i know you're used to being the most powerful person in a room, but that's not the case anymore.


[ — that feels safer, too. skirting around the scars and scabs she's drawn too much attention to, brushing past what feels personal and vulnerable as long as she can. but, eventually, she wears herself down to the heart of the matter. ]

i'm tired
of doubting myself. of questioning whether people try to grow close to me only because they see someone they can use
of expecting that everyone must have an ulterior motive, and never knowing if i can trust someone including myself
especially myself, sometimes

i want to be able to believe that people can be good
i want to be able to trust she is as good as the people of sedorum believe she is
i'm putting my trust in that.

if i'm wrong about her, then you can give me a lecture when the time comes
i'll even limit myself to one eyeroll during it

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