ximilia | Video; UN: Wei Wuxian || Text; UN: jtd

[Even before the feed flickers into life, anyone literally anywhere in the sunlight room is probably aware that there is something going on thanks to one very shrill scream immediately followed by several minutes of panicked shouting. When the feed does flicker on, the view is oddly…tall? It's at height with the tops of the trees in the sunlight room which is because Wei Wuxian is making this post from the top of one of those trees.

The reason why becomes immediately obvious when he pans down to the familiar form of Jake barking up at him from the base of the tree. Jake's expression is partially obscured through the foliage, though a close study will find more fear in Jake's face than threat. Whatever he thinks he's looking at, it isn't Wei Wuxian.

Finally, the view shifts to Wei Wuxian who is wide eyed and panicked, his face completely bloodless as he holds onto the tree with one arm and gestures at Jake below with the other.]

Why? [He squeaks out in a desperate whisper, eyes darting back to Jake again before he lets out a soft whimper and returns his attention to the feed.]

Why is there a dog?

----

[ Jake's post comes through almost simultaneously, text somehow communicating volume as much as his urgency. ]

I FOUND THE GHOST. I REPEAT, I FOUND THE GHOST. GOT IT UP A TREE IN THE SUNLIGHT ROOM. PLEASE ADVISE ON NEXT STEPS AND/OR EXORCISM.

[ooc: please indicate in the comments which you're responding to!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ About ten minutes after this... ]

Okay, so. I made a tiny miscalculation.

[ what lessons have we learned here, jake. more importantly, with casual lightness: ]

Your ghost vowed to haunt you forever?

Something like that. [ Hear that grimace? He's grimacing. ] Guess I never realized how scared somebody could be of me.

[ Pretty silly, in retrospect. People were scared of him all the time. Only... usually not when he was just, Jake. ]

[ breath crackles on her end of the communication line for a pensive, lapsing moment. he doesn't mean it, she could say, offering benefit of the doubt — but it feels like validating every bully, every soldier or monarch or grisha, that had taken one look at her and feared her. reviled her. judged her, for wearing her mother's heritage in her face.

because they had meant it. and wei wuxian had meant his fear, too, even if he hadn't intended to wound jake with it. intentions, alina has found, never change the hurt that comes from it. all of her wryness fades away, in the face of the sympathetic pang that wrings her chest. ]

It's an awful feeling, knowing you're something to fear to someone else. [ 'awful' doesn't begin to cover it. but ... more quietly, ] Are you alright?

Aw, hon, it's not so bad. [ He says quickly, in almost unthinking desire to smooth over the wrinkle he sensed in her VOICE. ] You don't have to worry about me.

[ In his haste, Jake realizes a little too late exactly what she meant by an awful feeling. There's a pause as Jake walks back his mind a few phrases, blinking for a moment before shifting the conversation to a more private setting. ]

But it sounds like maybe you're speaking from experience here, kid. [ He takes a beat, still debating whether it was worth bringing this up at all or not. Oh well. Too late now. ] Did you chase someone up a tree or did they chase you?

[ Metaphorically, of course. ]

Does it have to be one or the other? Sometimes it's both.

[ having powerful enemies might tip those scales to one side, now; to fjerda, she must be the enemy they prop up as an example, their baba yaga lurking in the forest, little more than an inhuman threat. but to alina —

she can still see the shine of an axe aimed at her head, long before she had ever accepted the power churning inside of her. she swallows, loosening a breath. how novel it still feels to be hated not only for being shu, but for daring to have a gift she'd never once asked for. ]

We're all monsters in someone's eyes.

[ She's not wrong there. Granted, it wasn't the first time he'd heard her express similar sentiments, with the kind of knowing intent that he couldn't shake. ]

Or gods, in your case, am I right? [ He chuckles, more weakly than he intended. Sometimes, you only realize how a joke isn't going to hit once you've already said it. ] Heh, sorry. I get kinda jokey when I'm nervous.

[ And why was he nervous? You're about to find out, kiddo. ]

Look, uh. Can I ask--[ The privacy filter was emboldening him, but more than that, Jake found himself not feeling particularly inclined to let this go this time. Maybe it was his own mistake earlier. Or maybe it was just his regret, all those memories (or the large gaps in those memories) with his kids, coming back to bite him in ways he didn't expect. ] Did something... happen to you, hon?

[ saint, actually, she doesn't say. there's no reason to share what she's tried to shed a thousand times over. what the world — or worlds, even so far away from ravka's reach — won't allow her to forget.

for a moment, jake's anxiety is more than justified; alina gives considerable thought to ending the connection to vanish like a true ghost. what else is there to say about the target on her head? well, i was killed almost three times over. and that's only the beginning of it. sarcasm leaps to her tongue, like she's ready to weaponize that truth as a weapon — but all her lungs can manage is an exhausted sigh. ]

Not recently, no. [ — unapologetically evasive. it's not really what he's asked, but jake has left the loophole there for her to take. ] Why do you ask?

[ never has one question sounded so much like why do you care. ]

[ Her evasion is answer in and of itself, bereft of details but no less damning. Coupled with the comingled wariness and weariness in her follow up question, and Jake is left with one very grim picture. It may have been painted in broad strokes, but there was enough there for the dog to suddenly feel distinctly sad. ]

Well, because... and don't take this the wrong way, but it's how you carry yourself. There just seems to be a lot weighing you down. Not, like, literally. Your posture's fine. It's more like... eesh, how do I say this.

[ Jake scratches behind his ear, unseen expression pulled taut. His altercation with Wei Wuxian may have put him in an introspective place with his fellow crew, but it didn't make the asking any easier. ]

I wanted to give you the chance to unburden yourself a little, if you're feeling it.

[ unburden herself. alina thinks, ruefully — we would be here for hours, if i did. the amount of weight on her shoulders would bury anyone else, if she chose to share it. it won't matter, another portion of her is tempted to say. when this is all over. as if a regret undone is a stitch in the tapestry of her life — one pull, and perhaps the rest will unravel with it. allow her to fix the stupid mistakes that had led here here, to begin with.

in the end, she settles for a reply befitting a diplomat. calm, despite how hollow it may or may not ring. ]

I must've given you the wrong impression.

[ i'm fine, really. she swallows it down, acutely aware of the lie it would be to force it out of her throat. ]

It's not anything the rest of our crew isn't already dealing with. We're all here because we've been burdened.

[ Alina isn't the only one acutely aware of the lie. He's normally one to let such things pass; feelings hurt, it was a foundational stitch in the tapestry of this crazy wooly thing Jake called living. No way around it, had to go through it.

Still, there was no part of the dog that thought you had to go through it alone. ]

Is it that you gave me the wrong impression, or that I got the right one, but it doesn't matter 'cuz everyone else hurts too?

[ A single sentiment stands unspoken, but clear, between each word: you can clarify your lie, or admit that it is a lie. Whichever version of reality you want to live with right now, I'll roll with. ]

[ either. both. she doesn't know. jake's question spins her head in circles, unable to keep track of her own lie well enough to follow it with another. ]

Neither. [ she swallows, unseen, working around the tightening cinch of her throat. ] It's that it doesn't matter.

[ not because everyone else hurts. because — it just doesn't. sorry, jake. there's a telling silence in the aftermath of static from a disconnected line, leaving behind only the echo of alina's own defensive caginess. ]

Edited 2023-06-03 03:39 (UTC)

Video; UN: Wei Wuxian || Text; UN: jtd

voice; 2/2

voice;

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cw for vague refs to prejudice

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2/2; public --> private

perma- private🔒➡️

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slips in here eons late to slap a bow on this 🎀