video; deep thoughts with finn mertens (420 Edition™)

[heroooic]

[ Where is Finn? Why, he's in his room, of course. Where was he before? Movie night, where the combined effect of illicit brownies and fresh ink had triggered an unnerving amount of Teenage Naval Gazing.

So much had happened since Finn joined the Ximilia crew, that he'd almost forgot what it was like to dive headfirst into that particular weird and soul-searchy part of himself. There was always some new person to help or world to explore; distracting himself was easy. Whenever his thoughts started to get too big, he just... would call someone up to chat or ask to train with someone or see if the medical staff needed help or go watch a movie with his girlfriend or a thousand other tiny, easy distractions. That’s the thing about being on the Ximilia; when you’re surrounded by so many people….you didn’t really have to spend time alone.

So it's ironic that being in the middle of a crowded party, of all places, is what triggers this feeling tonight. Maybe it was the strangeness of being among a group of humans while simultaneously feeling completely outside of them, or maybe it was just being high, but either way it ended here: in his room, as we've established, gearing up to be cringe on main. ]

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Sooo, hey guys. Everyone. [ Followed by a tortuously lengthy pause, Finn seemingly distracted by something off screen. Disheveled. ] So like, I was thinking-

[ Smash cut to the exact same shot, only his hat is off and the clock by Finn's bed shows that twenty minutes have passed. ]

Ok. I was thinking…like, how do you...or. What do humans think about, when you’re by yourself? [ Another long pause. ] I’ve always kinda wondered that. Like, what’s normal?

Because sometimes I look at the moon and I'm like...that’s cheese. But I don’t look at cheese and think it’s made of the same stuff as the moon. [ A small smile quirks the corner of his mouth, as if the concept were ridiculous. ] You know?

[ Another smashcut. Finn is now completely sprawled out, staring up at some unseen spot on his ceiling. ]

I guess what I'm asking is, what kind of stuff is normal for humans to think about? 'Cause before last year, I’d never even met any, y'know? [ Whatever Finn is staring at suddenly seems to make him look a little lost. ] I... don't think I've told anybody that here, actually.

[ If he has, Finn can't remember it. And even then, he's pretty sure anyone he might've told wouldn't be here anymore. Finn swallows, throat tightening unpleasantly, some cold, inky feeling rising in his chest. ]

So many people who were here are gone now. And sometimes I just...wanna call them and ask this stuff, or- or tell them something funny I saw, but...I can't.

[ Finn draws in a breath, his expression darkening. ]

Actually, like... also... can I ask another thing? [ He holds for a long moment, as if waiting for an answer that wasn’t coming. ] How are you supposed to know if your relationship is a good one or bad one? Like, when the first few months are crazy happy and all the sad biz you had on your mind kinda goes away for... a while, but. Then it comes back? And even when you're hanging out, it feels like... you can't even talk to her?

[ The stream of consciousness Finn was currently sailing down was staring to get a little choppy. Luckily, there's one more smashcut -- this time, Finn was sitting up again, looking closer to how he had at the messages start. ]

But yeah I guess what I'm trying to say is... anybody got a cool pirate name for themselves yet?