// net.work

[ a day after the attack from the creature, with many likely still recovering from their injuries in the infirmary, a voice starts up awkwardly through the earpieces. ]

Um, I —

[ it's kovacs from wherever he's being kept, temporarily confined away as most had suggested for him. it's the first he's said anything since the violent events through the station, barely having any recollection of it aside from what's been told to him. but he's smart, a detective in his own right, able to piece things together now that he's regained other memories from his past year in this place. it's enough that, with some time, he can at least explain enough of it. ]

The monster you all saw — the one that chased you, hurt you, nearly killed you — it ... it was me. But you probably all figured that out by now.

[ his voice is smaller than it typically is, unsure and shaky, unlike the more assertive, apathetic snarl that typically comes from him. ]

The way it was described, it sounded like this thing back home we call the Patchwork Man. Except that's just a fairy tale, some nightmare from a book. It's not something I've ever — this isn't something that's happened before. Which means ... which means it's happening now because of something else. Because of something I did.

About a year ago, not long after I first got there, I learned about something that I needed to prevent. I went to the Orb to change my deal. Except changing it comes with a cost. That much, plenty of you already know. That cost is different for everybody, and for me —

[ he hesitates for a moment, a deep breath heard. all the time he'd spent keeping it quiet, now spoken to all. ]

The cost to change my deal was that I'd gradually begin to lose my memories. I didn't know exactly what, just — important things. And that's exactly what happened.

Over the year, I couldn't remember things that happened to me back home, things that happened here. How I got here in the first place. What I came for. Eventually, I even forgot why I was forgetting. The Orb made me forget it was taking everything that I was, everything that I am, everything I spent months warning people not to be. I said it again and again: don't forget what the Orb did to Welford in Badrock. What he paid when he made his deal with it and I — I'm the one who forgot about the old man and we left him to be. Completely.

By the time we were split from half the group last month, my head had become so empty, I couldn't keep track of who I was anymore and I got ... scared. I thought it was a side effect from being in this sleeve — this body. See, in my world, we have the tech to jump into different skins, but with enough time, it starts to wear the mind down. Personality frag, we call it. I thought it was happening to me and that, with the more I lost, I'd start to become dangerous or a liability. So I went to do the only choice I thought I had — I went to the Orb. Again.

I didn't know this was the second time I tried to rework my deal, that the cost might be even higher than before. I didn't even realize that I was changing it. But I was desperate, out of my right mind. I just wanted the memories back. And I got 'em. Every single one.

But the cost? Well, that thing you all saw, that monster — that's what a deal with the Orb can do to you. That's what we all need to put a stop to.

[ he stops there, either to catch a breath or to take a moment, and it almost seems to be the end of the speech before he adds, ]

If I hurt you, I'm — [ sorry, he doesn't say, like he doesn't feel he has the right to, falling quiet. ] Whether I had control or not, that thing was still me. So if you're pissed off, I don't blame you. After all my talk before, I know I'm the hypocrite asshole who brought this on himself, so whatever consequences I have to pay, I'll pay. I owe you that much.

Just ... just take my word for it, at least — stop depending on them. Whatever deals you have with Orb, it's all a joke to those things. I know it doesn't mean shit coming from me, because of what I did, but we never should have relied on them in the first place. We need to get rid of them entirely so they don't fuck up anyone else.

[ and that's where he finally stops for now, leaving room for anyone else to chime in or ask questions. ]


( ooc: net convos are open to all! log options for visiting kovacs in his temporary locked room in person will be closed to close cr since he'd prefer no one be in close contact with him for a while. )