ximilia | Video / Text | UN: Newt

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Video / Text | UN: Newt | MEET THE CREW

[Newt's felt like shit lately, for reasons we shan't go into.

So instead of addressing his own feelings, he's going to ignore them, bottle them up, and torment both new and old crew alike!]

Eyes over here! Hyup! Welcome, noobies, to the SS Ximilia! Grandest little station in the whole wide endless universe. I'm Newt Geiszler, PhD times six, resident xenobiologist, inventor, and super awesome guitarist of the best band around, Murderface. Pleasure to meet you! Don't touch any of my stuff in the lab, or it'll probably end in me shoving you under the emergency shower.

... That was a joke; I'm not allowed to have things that would put any of you into a chemical shower.

Anyway, just as a head's up, for both the new and old crewmembers? Don't change your regret unless you're seriously ready to give up something in exchange. And I mean it, guys — it can be real nasty. If you wanna talk about it, I've finally figured out my loss from changing my regret, so.

... Less serious topic: time for your resident welcome wagon. A.K.A. my handy write-up of our crew for the new bloods. Read through very, very carefully. this is all critical information!

[ATTACHED TXT.:// MEET THE CREW]

Clarke Griffin — Resident artist and sports enthusiast! Her birthday is coming up on October 17th, so make sure you embarrass her with lots of well wishes! She's a space pro.

Takeshi Kovacs — Grunts a lot, way too many of us have seen his ass at this point. 🍑 He's great as a buddy, but might accidentally punch you in the nose! If you smell cigarette smoke on the air, you have a few seconds to flee the scene.

Rhysand — smoking hot and my fiance! Obviously! We're bound by future marriage. Rhys, will you be my lawfully wedded huswife? I'm ready for that lengthy title! (Also, gives great hugs.)

Clara Oswald — ☕🌟 Voted most likely to stand on a counter to point down at you, she's one of the best people to gossip with, 100%. Also, super smart and pretty, and beats anyone at wearing polka dots. She and the Doc have to be adopted together if you decide to.

The Doctor — First name The, last name Doctor! Time traveler with a penchant for handholding, cheek-smooching, and long walks on faraway space beaches. If something in the station explodes, it might be him building some questionable stuff. Or it might be me! Hard to say.

Rita Farr —

Ziggy Berman — Sullen teenaged redhead who will still your cigarettes and make fun of you for being old. Avoid at all costs! Is from the 70's, so probably has terrible taste in everything.

Edward — Claps hands together, fixes your television! It's as easy as that! Uses alchemy to repair items and create new ones out of preexisting material. It's wild, and it's also a good way to get your stuff fixed. Just be sure to appease him by bartering with pies. Do not mention his height. Do not mention milk. You will regret it.

Yuri Leclerc — Fancy, as highlighted by that name. Look at it. How do you not expect to see a dude in fancy medieval clothes with a name like that? Don't know what his hair regimine is, but it's WORKING.

Alina — BULLY, GREMLIN, DANGER TO SOCIETY. Steals food in pockets! I've seen her do it! Might be solar-powered. 🦝👹☀

Mal — Some certified muscle, is probably also a gremlin on account of being Alina's friend. Possible DDR master in the future. Will monitor.

Kirigan — Very serious, very oldschool, don't be alarmed if he stands in a dark corner to watch everyone else. I think that's his usual ecosystem. (Not sure if he's aware we all see him doing it.

Yzak — Usually set to volume 11 of 10, but super capable and smart. Challenge him to a chess match! Dude needs it with some of his R&R. If you really want to woo him, give him some collectible charms.

Marta — Local nurse, best for kissing booboos. She's got a real nasty habit of giving you nicknames, but she's allowed to because she has more common sense than a majority of our crew. 🐇 (Nurse, I have a papercut btw!) Might throw up on you if you put her under too much pressure.

Daisy — Buff and can save you from a tight spot. Super reliable. I've got it on good authority that you should play music around here that has 'shake' or 'quake' in the lyrics. My personal pick is Shake, Rattle, and Roll by Elvis Presley. 😏

Bucky — Buff and can save you from a tight spot also, but way more grumpy about it. He's got a metal arm, so you can imagine the pain an old 'clothes-hanger' to the throat would do. He and Sam are like. Y'know.

Sam — Unfairly stolen away from me by that sour fish above. Biceps for days, hate to see him go, love to watch him leave, etc. etc. And I guuuuess he's also handy as a badass superhero and field medic. That MIGHT be more useful than the other stuff, but doubt it.

Natasha — Brains behind the superhero operation. Can absolutely crush a skull between her thighs. I wasn't sure of it the first time I made that joke, but I'm more and more confident by the day that it's not a joke. If you need someone beside you to help you beat people up, she is an excellent choice. 👌

Shaun — LORD OF THE RINGS. Also reliable to beat the tar out of people, but he is otherwise a very polite dude. Once again an example that all of the 'superhero types' around here are stupid handsome.

Yelena — Super cool black widow warrior. If you want her on your side, just offer her all she can eat pasta. She'll cave.

Gwen — Um, sorry, like. Have you not heard of Spider-Woman? One of the best superheroes of all time? She's the drummer in our band and I'm jealous of the fact that she can crawl on surfaces nobody should be able to crawl on. 🤟🕸🕷🥁

Itachi — Our resident brooding ninja-type, and totally the reason the Ximusic Room exists. Makes a mean Japanese breakfast, so be sure to stalk around the kitchen crying at awkward times of night for a free meal.

Kakashi — ??????????. This one wears a mask, and it eats at me every single goddamn day wondering what he's hiding under there.

My bet is a mustache that grows in too patchy to show to anyone. Hey man, don't be ashamed, not everyone can grow as nice of facial hair as yours truly.

Andy — Tough as hell, likes to throw axes, weave baskets. Have not seen her throw the baskets yet, but it's possible it could happen. Andy, am I allowed to call you a GILF or would that get me shoved out of the airlock? Because if yes, I won't do that. Scout's honor.

Nicolo — If lost, return to Joe. 👇

Joe — 👈 This is Joe. (GILF, certified! ☑)

Sabriel — She's the Bell Ringer of Ximilia Station! Smart, brave, and always ready to talk stuff out. But she's also a massive busybody, so be sure to lure her away from working for a second to enjoy life a little!

Rosinante — A perfect ladder. So tall. Has some bitchin' make-up palettes. You should totally let him do your make-up like he does his. Please don't drop him into a pool, he can't swim. And apparently he hates bread! What kind of person can just hate bread? I'm still reeling, honestly.

Yamato — Also concerningly tall and more than prepared to smash through some walls. Usually with the best of intentions! They're louder than me, also, so I can rest easy knowing that's not something I'm winning gold for.

Hermann — My lab partner! He just came back, so be delicate with him, huh? He's big on math, tea, and robots, so you should totally single him out for conversations. Sorry about him being so disgustingly British about everything. 👨‍🔬

Jesus how long is this list-

Spock — Vulcan from the Starship Enterprise. Highly intelligent, needs to loosen up a little. Or a lot. Dude, we should go out for drinks!

Eleven — The pipsqueak who can smash the bad guys with her mind, takes things a little too literally. She's kickass. Great at painting nails. I've usually got the evidence to prove it! 💅 Don't forget my touch-ups, El!

Dean Winchester — What happens if you smash a mountain man and a model from Calvin Klein together. Still trying to figure out if 'gank' is a real word, but pretty sure it isn't. If you wanna really test yourself, challenge him to a game of pool or outdrink him at a bar.

Wei Wuxian — Long luscious hair, unfairly handsome, super capable warrior, member of Murderface and rocking some dark robes. Yeah!

Drift — METAL MAN #1. Hips for days. Cybertronian buddy who loves swords maybe a little too much. I'm not saying he's a weeb... not directly, anyway... Can turn into a car, btw. 🚗🚗🚗🚗

Megatron — METAL MAN #2. Chiseled manly jawline. Can be a little too serious, and is way into politics, so I would have swiped left on him the moment I read that. But he's a cool guy, and I guess wins points for enjoying poetry.

Minimus — METAL MAN #3. We're collecting 'em all! Handsome, noble mustache! Gotta try to convince him to go get body mods with me. He's always been on the ball with collecting information on missions, and I have it on good authority he's a descent swimmer.

Rodimus — METAL MAN #4. The fun one who will actually go drinking with me! Gives very eye-opening information on the inner-workings of Cybertronians. If you need a karaoke buddy, he's your guy.

Lan Xichen — Toot-toots for your comfort! AKA he plays a mean flute. Not gonna lie, he's helped me sleep way more than I'd like to admit. If you've got insomnia, all I'm sayin'... His birthday's on the 8th of October, by the waaay! 🎂

Nie Huaisang — A master of emoticons. Here's some if you're not as hip as us about them. 😎👻👽🦄🧠👀👅🐥🤠🥺🤓

Yennefer — Baddest babe on the ship, seems like someone who would have some pretty scary wrath. I have not yet triggered said wrath, and I will continue being a good boy in her presence. Also, gorgeous, but 90% of this crew is gorgeous, sorry if you're in the normie club with me (even though I'm clearly oh-so-handsome).

Majima — Uuuugh, I'm such a sucker for tats. Majima's suave and cool and you should definitely hang out with him. Careful though, he totally has a habit of wooing people.

Zhao — 🍜/🍝 My resident noodle savior... Thank you so much for the ramen, dude, it was delicious. (Also, y'know, super capable member of the crew with a lot of experience, but... he can cook, which is like... super critical, honestly-)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

This again?

Bartering with -- oi! I mean I won't say no to apple pie.....

[Thanks Newt. Now he misses Winry's pie. Okay, and Winry herself. Again.]

But wait. Your regret? Do I want to know what the catch was? You okay?

What, you think it's not a required activity when we've got so much new blood?

How else are they going to keep you all straight?

[He's joking! Mostly!]

I'm okay. I mean, it's not as bad as it could've been, but — uuuh, not gonna lie, it's been the opposite of fun. But equivalent exchange, right? Can't get without giving. [a pause.] My senses get taken away at random. One second I'm making a sandwich, the next I can't see anything. Mix in the other four natural senses, and you've got a shitty regret changing payment.