audio: un: goodvibes

[aurable]

Hello! My name is Drift, and unfortunately, I'm more used to writing speeches than giving them. [ An agonizingly chipper voice comes through that might make you think of a substitute teacher trying too hard. ] Ordinarily, I avoid starting with negativity, especially in greeting, but this felt urgent. I apologize in advance if this is detrimental to anyone attempting to regain a more positive outlook after having gone through the ordeal that was our arrival.

It has come to my attention that the mess hall in the southeastern wing accommodates the specific needs of newcomers. Otherwise, fantastic news, but I'm compelled to warn everyone here now: If you come across any containers with a somewhat viscous or luminous quality that could be anything from purple, pink, orange, or green?

Do. Not. Drink. It.

Actually, you would be doing me a favor if you avoided touching it at all and contacted me immediately. In all likelihood, that's a container of Energon or a similar substance, and it is remarkably toxic to humans. I say 'remarkably' because the poor medical staff would only be able to remark on how quickly your internal organs coagulated into sludge after the first gulp.

It's perfectly safe if it's unopened, but to err on the side of caution, I'd ask it be removed by either myself or someone with experience in hazardous materials if you come across it.

[ Drift clears his 'throat' which sounds more like machinery venting overlaid with the sound of cough. ]

On a lighter note, I'd like to explore the possibility of scheduled team-building exercises. Making full use of the station's training and simulation rooms for more regimented practice and possible meditation for those who need it couldn't hurt.

Comments

audio | un: coldwater

[squatmance]

[. . .]

So who's putting organ-dissolving Gatorade in the communal fridge, and why is that a question I'm actually having to ask?

[aurable]

The culprit is likely to be innocent confusion if it had been dropped with the other consumables.

[squatmance]

Maybe we can, uh- figure out whatever process determines that, or something. Like, for the station. 'Cause I can guarantee you someone will guzzle that shit at three in the morning. Shared fridges are pretty much a lawless territory when you have, like, a hundred roommates.

[aurable]

It's brightly colored and typically labeled. The harder stuff usually has charming names like "Nightmare Fuel" or "Berzerker Button." I'm trying to maintain an upbeat attitude about the situation, but part of me just knows now that I've made a network-wide plea to common sense.

Someone is going to take this as a dare.

[ Quick, what is our Idiot Jock population ]

[squatmance]

I can think of at least three people right off the bat who definitely will.

[None of them are even jocks.]

Who's this stuff even meant for?

[aurable]

That is the most concerning 'at least' I've heard in my life.

[ Does one start with 'P' and end in '-eter'? ]

Ah, myself and one other person on the station.

[squatmance]

[Not yet, but the game is young.]

I, uh, know maybe four, tops. Not exactly a social butterfly.

[aurable]

That's four too many.

[ Drift wonders why your species ever managed to hand Cybetronians their asses. ]

[squatmance]

I, uh- I'm inclined to agree.

[A man after Q's own heart.]

So you're- I mean, you're not- human? You and the other person?

[aurable]

Alright, but for the record? I didn't want to shock anyone. Just the other guy forced my hand.

[ Drift switches over to video annnd- ]

Hi.