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audio: un: goodvibes
Hello! My name is Drift, and unfortunately, I'm more used to writing speeches than giving them. [ An agonizingly chipper voice comes through that might make you think of a substitute teacher trying too hard. ] Ordinarily, I avoid starting with negativity, especially in greeting, but this felt urgent. I apologize in advance if this is detrimental to anyone attempting to regain a more positive outlook after having gone through the ordeal that was our arrival.
It has come to my attention that the mess hall in the southeastern wing accommodates the specific needs of newcomers. Otherwise, fantastic news, but I'm compelled to warn everyone here now: If you come across any containers with a somewhat viscous or luminous quality that could be anything from purple, pink, orange, or green?
Do. Not. Drink. It.
Actually, you would be doing me a favor if you avoided touching it at all and contacted me immediately. In all likelihood, that's a container of Energon or a similar substance, and it is remarkably toxic to humans. I say 'remarkably' because the poor medical staff would only be able to remark on how quickly your internal organs coagulated into sludge after the first gulp.
It's perfectly safe if it's unopened, but to err on the side of caution, I'd ask it be removed by either myself or someone with experience in hazardous materials if you come across it.
[ Drift clears his 'throat' which sounds more like machinery venting overlaid with the sound of cough. ]
On a lighter note, I'd like to explore the possibility of scheduled team-building exercises. Making full use of the station's training and simulation rooms for more regimented practice and possible meditation for those who need it couldn't hurt.
It has come to my attention that the mess hall in the southeastern wing accommodates the specific needs of newcomers. Otherwise, fantastic news, but I'm compelled to warn everyone here now: If you come across any containers with a somewhat viscous or luminous quality that could be anything from purple, pink, orange, or green?
Do. Not. Drink. It.
Actually, you would be doing me a favor if you avoided touching it at all and contacted me immediately. In all likelihood, that's a container of Energon or a similar substance, and it is remarkably toxic to humans. I say 'remarkably' because the poor medical staff would only be able to remark on how quickly your internal organs coagulated into sludge after the first gulp.
It's perfectly safe if it's unopened, but to err on the side of caution, I'd ask it be removed by either myself or someone with experience in hazardous materials if you come across it.
[ Drift clears his 'throat' which sounds more like machinery venting overlaid with the sound of cough. ]
On a lighter note, I'd like to explore the possibility of scheduled team-building exercises. Making full use of the station's training and simulation rooms for more regimented practice and possible meditation for those who need it couldn't hurt.
video; un: newt
I must've drank your Energon, because I've died and gone to heaven!
Can we be friends, dude?
video
I-
The enthusiastic reception is certainly encouraging.
video
But also, you're a big robot! Instantly too cool to pass up for humans who only imagine those things half the time. Well, okay, my world's got big robots we used to fight alien invaders, but they weren't exactly sentient; they were ran by synchronized human pilots.
Re: video
Mecha suits and kaiju. I'm familiar with the concept.
[ Someone is also a giant weeb. ]
video
Oh, yeah? Right! Mecha and kaiju, totally a common fictional staple in human society. But also, ours ended up coming true; we totally had to fight giant aliens coming up out of the ocean. They were actually traveling through a large atomic rift ripped in our deepest ocean floor with express intent to murder all of us.
Super alarming. Was a weird time.
no subject
While it is heartening to hear that you and your own have adapted to those circumstances, I should dispel a couple of notions as not to disappoint you in the future. I turn into a car and have or never plan to be the combined entity of a number of other vehicles or plucky heroes in other mechas.
no subject
That's Voltron, man.
But no worries! I gotcha, sounds good to me. Not gonna lie, I totally wanna know your biology. Are you guys just made with nice chiseled jawlines, or is that something you're — born with? Do you get to pick your paint job? Are decals like haircuts to you? Oh! Oh! Or like human tattoos?! Dude, I've got so many of those.
[im sorry imSORRY]
no subject
That's...very complimentary, but I don't give out personal details without some credentials.
no subject
How come you get to know why I grow fingernails, but I don't get to know if you get tats?
no subject
no subject
You're an advanced race from space, you've probably got cool scanners. We're super squishy and easy to see through with most high-tech scanning machinery.
no subject
no subject
Also, I didn't build the robots; I specialize in the very organic alien lifeforms said robots were punching. Totally different professions, right there, I don't have a doctorate in big cool robots.
What if you guys need medical help later, and none of us know how to treat you?
I don't know how to make a tourniquet for a mecha-man.
no subject
You're not touching me. [ Then, less defensively: ]
Ask Megatron.
no subject
Jeez, don't get so pissy at me!
[Adjusting his glasses, he says petulantly:]
... If you think I'm some kind of inhumane doctor pulling one over on you or something, just say so. I'd get it, okay?
I just don't want any of my team getting hurt or killed while I'm right there to help them. It happens enough on these missions to be a concern, dude.
no subject
Do you ask to vivisect the other organics here? For their safety? There's information and then there is voyeurism.
THIS WENT SWIMMINGLY, I THINK
Dude, fuck you.
[Oof. He fucked up. He's fucking up! Good job, Newt, you dumbass.
Quick, just get out of here with your hurt feefees.]
I didn't say I was gonna do something like that; I'd never do something like that. I was just asking you questions. But thanks for assuming I'm a total monster who'd torture people for no reason.
[The call drops.]
no subject
no subject
It's not personal information for the sake of being some mad scientist, dude. You're gonna be on missions with us! You're gonna probably get hurt, like the rest of us! If you're cool with just treating each other, whatever, but none of us are gonna know how to help you if you're in medical trouble!
no subject
Both Drift and I have long experience both with our own government and with organic species treating some or all of us as disposable, as mindless atuomatons, or worse. Humans in particular kidnapped several of us and desecrated the corpses of our dead to perform research on us for their own purposes.
[ Admittedly there was that whole 'using their planet as a battlefield' thing going on. ]
The whole point of my offer to teach about my people's medical practices is to provide you with that knowledge. If you wish to know such things, you may attend the classes I will be holding for that purpose.
[ So far he's kept himself mostly in check, his tone measured and pleasant, even if it sometimes comes off a bit grim. Now there's something sharper and darker in his tone, the ghost of the warlord-that-was. ]
Do not harass Drift with these questions when there is a perfectly willing medical professional able to respond to your queries, especially when he has made it clear he has no desire to answer them for his own reasons.
For those same reasons, he has asked that I be the one who act as his physician or that he only be treated by someone acting with my supervision. You may rest assured I take my patient's confidentiality extremely seriously, regardless of the length of time it has been since I last practiced medicine.
Is there anything unclear about what I have said, Newt?
no subject
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[And then he disconnects.]