video; un: lanxichen | after everything crashes around them

[calmness]

[there's a few beats of silence before he speaks on the network, a steadying breath can be heard before lan xichen speaks. he looks down as he speaks, brows furrowed and his normal gentle smile is nowhere to be seen. if someone were to say he looks haunted, they’re not far off.] I -- What has happened is my responsibility. The sudden collapse of what we were experiencing here.

I spoke with Ford Branson to try to learn more about the town and pressed too far. He spoke about his family mostly and how much he loved this town. Speaking to him, I do not think he made a deal with the Orb... [a pause, a deep breath and when he speaks, his voice is a little more hollow and frayed.]. Not knowingly.

But I think what happened here is tied to his love for his family.

While we were talking, he clutched a locket which contained photos of his family and called it his most prized treasure. That the locket kept them safe, even when he spent all his time in the mines.

Perhaps the locket is the Orb itself or it is otherwise with him. And– and I don’t know if it was merely nervousness or self-soothing, but as he grew more distressed he spoke to himself. Almost a conversation where the other side kept telling him nothing happened and that it would be alright… Until the end when he called for it to stop and ran.

Then everything froze.

What triggered him was asking about pulsefire. He told me that pulsefire is used to clean out towns by bandits, who are looking for treasure. It leaves nothing living behind. [he visibly shudders here, pausing as if pulled into a memory before shaking his head to clear it. when he speaks again, his voice is steadier, barely, but lacks its normal air of calm.] Bandits use to clear trouble, leave treasures. But Ford’s treasures were living…

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audio; un: kovacs

[kovach]

[ as sudden as it all was, when xichen adds the explanation to what's happened, it ... makes sense. if only because he's been in those shoes, in losing everything and trying to makes sense of it the only way the mind allows. ]

It happens. Getting lost in your head when you lose everything. It — if he didn't talk to himself, he created the ghosts for himself. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps you sane.

[ after all, he speaks to his own ghosts even still. ]

But he couldn't keep living like that. It wouldn't have helped sheltering him in that fake reality.

[calmness]

It would not have helped him and logically a swift rip of the bandage is more merciful, but having stood in his shoes and watched the world shatter it is no comfort on either side.

[which makes it so much more difficult.

had he gone into seclusion, he wonders how much more of himself he would see in ford.] I hope given the state he is likely in, he will still be able to help us complete this mission.

[kovach]

Once we find him, we'll figure that part out.

[ wherever the old man happens to be. no doubt people will be on a search for him now, knowing his connection is to the orb, but as much as that's the most obvious priority, kovacs doesn't find himself so desperate. possibly because he knows too much of the pain.

and he hears it, too, in xichen's voice. ]

We can't always stop it. Even ... even if we're making these deals to change things, there's — there are some things we can't fix. The world's sometimes too broken for that. Clinging desperately to pretending otherwise is only gonna fuck us up more.

[calmness]

[the important part of that is finding him when he clearly does not wish to be found. xichen knows too well that a man in that state may lash out, but he will start searching for him soon too. not only to right a wrong but also as an ill-conceived test of faith.]

No, not always. [that is a thing he has seen firsthand and had to guide others through, his own brother included. yet, here, the conflation between the old man and a version of himself the line of reasoning is lost.

there's a frown clear in his voice, the panic from earlier not subsided.] Yet to not try, we let the prophecy that the world is too broken fulfill itself. [that the world is broken, that the people are too broken.]

[kovach]

[ even amongst the sadness of his voice, kovacs can hear the bittersweet reach for optimism. and somehow that only makes his own chest ache a bit more. ]

Maybe some of our worlds are.

[ he tried saving his, after all, to keep it from falling into the toxicity it was on a fast track towards. but they'd lost that war and he'd been put to sleep for two and a half centuries, waking up to the exact broken nightmare he'd feared. ]

But not everyone in it has to be.

[calmness]

This place does not have to be. [it is, he knows, because the orb has gotten its hold on it. but there is still a sick sort of hope that he is holding on to.

he doesn't want to hear otherwise, even if it stands to reason.]

[kovach]

[ he holds his tongue here. kovacs isn't really always in the business of having much hope for anything, not anymore. long has it been since the days he was with the envoys, when he believes worlds could be changed, could be fixed of their broken pieces and made better.

but he'd seen for himself the result of those kinds of fights. the end result's never pretty.

still, he doesn't want to ruin the one thing that might be keeping xichen together. ]

Maybe not. [ that's the best he can offer. ] Where are you anyway? Not on your own, are you?

[calmness]

[it is an offer and an easy out of the conversation, a blessing in disguise.]

I am near the barn--- [he cuts himself off, realizing where this may be going.] I am not in need of company.

[kovach]

[ well, he can see that xichen's getting the hint. ]

Take it from me, brooding around by yourself and feeling bad about shit doesn't help.

[calmness]

I am not brooding. [says a man that is definitely brooding.

a deep sigh.] I assure you, I will be alright. [and then a sadder sigh.] But I assume that will not deter you now. [were the situation reversed, he would not be deterred after all that.]

[kovach]

No, it won't.

[ because he knows a definite brooding when he hears it. ]

Stick around. Just give me a few minutes — misery loves company and all of that, right?

[calmness]

Alright. [a defeated sigh follows, xichen had been thinking of moving but now he will be found out.

so he will wait and when kovacs arrives, he will be created with a frown and a hint of annoyance between that melts into silent into silent appreciation. company is welcome in these situations, even if met with stubbornness at first. ]