Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

[groupiedrifter]

What, do I not look teacherly enough for you?
That's stereotyping!

[yes newt is in on this immediately]

[zune]

[ his first day here and his life is already suffering ]

oh come on man

did a teacher just bribe me into taking a survey??? with candy???

[groupiedrifter]

Isn't that how all teachers get their students to focus on their work?
You gotta give incentive! Works like a charm at any age!

[zune]

man i don't know

my teachers pretty much had sticks up their butts


but it worked all right

i fell right into that sweet sweet sour gummy trap

[groupiedrifter]

1000% worked.

And I'm not one of those kinds of teachers, those kind suck ass.
I used to teach MIT classes back in my late teens and 20's and it was a ton of fun. Always had a bigass jar of candy! Everyone loves getting Toostie(TM) Fruit Chews thrown at their heads.

Education is useless if people aren't interested in what they're learning anyway.

[zune]

i mean i pretty much stopped going to school after like grade 3

you'd think that was the peak time to bribe kids with candy

i know i would have paid more attention if i had a tootsie pop thrown at me for getting an answer right

text ↪ un: gamora

[godslain]

What is a Tootsie Pop?

[zune]

really tasty chocolate flavoured lollipops

probably also bad for you but what isn't?

[ ... gonna ask this viveca person for basically an entire candy aisle at this rate

also hi gamora ]

[godslain]

Chocolate... that is the thing we had on 'Easter'?

（ she didn't really like it tbh but peter had seemed excited, so. ）

[zune]

yeah! only that stuff was actually chocolate

tootsie pops only taste like it

[ he is nooooot selling this well ]

[godslain]

Then what are they?

[zune]

candy that tastes like chocolate but isn't ... actually chocolate?

it's got more chew

[godslain]

Why is it that nothing about your Earth makes any amount of sense?

[zune]

[ she ain't wrong

😬 ]

ah

yeah

wish i could answer that but

[ he's got nothin' ]

[godslain]

（ maybe this is why she will never go there.

well. that and pesky death.

but still. ）

I would like to try one.

[zune]

[ it's okay

it's

mostly overrated anyway ]

i'll add it to my request list

apparently we can make those

[godslain]

And the AI will accommodate us?

Can you also ask for my sword?

[zune]

that's what i've been told

[ well, it was in passing, and might have been a casual remark — but he is taking it literally and as such: ]

yeah of course

it'll probably be pulled in from knowhere

we brought it back after

[singlelogbridge]

It's because you need a beard. All of my teachers at home had beards.

[groupiedrifter]

What kind of beard are we talking? Because my beards grow in looking like a big ball of hair that rolled under the furniture. It's a character flaw of mine.

[singlelogbridge]

on second thought, please never grow a beard

[groupiedrifter]

If we end up stranded on an deserted island next mission, no guarantees.

[singlelogbridge]

don't worry, I always have some kind of blade on me

[Is...is this a threat? He's been spending too much time with Itachi.]

[groupiedrifter]

... Little nervous about your credentials as a barber or any kind of hair stylist, actually.

[singlelogbridge]

How hard can it be?