Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

text; un: knife

[eyeronically]

so the orbs look like sunny side up eggs?

text; un: felix

[swordandshield]

[He feels like someone stole his un ...even though that was never actually his un. Well, curiosity skinned the cat and all that. Gotta check this one out.]

Yeah, he's not the greatest at accurate depictions. They are rude poquito cojones though.

text ↪ un: songbird

[windsongs]

now that you mention it.......

[ She can't unsee that now, thanks. ]

[eyeronically]

you're welcome

[windsongs]

ok but I'm not the only one weirded out by sentient breakfast food right??

[ Hibiki what ]

[eyeronically]

the bacon strikes back

[windsongs]

[ Oh my god. ]

NOT THE BACON TOO!! Σ(O_O)
I TRUSTED YOU BACON!!!

[eyeronically]

you should never trust bacon.

[windsongs]

but it's delicious!!!

[eyeronically]

that's how it fools you.

[windsongs]

so what you're saying is I need to eat more of it in retaliation

[ Hibiki no your heart ]

[eyeronically]

i mean, your heart might not thank you for it, but i'm sure it'd taste pretty good.

[windsongs]

eh I get enough exercise
my heart can deal with it!

[eyeronically]

then i guess the bacon supply better beware.

[windsongs]

and eggs
gotta go for their accomplices too!!

[eyeronically]

yeah, eggs have it coming.

text;

[groupiedrifter]

You've got to crack a few orbs to bake a regret cake.

Everyone knows that.

[NAILED THE RECOVERY]

[eyeronically]

so, do you actually break them after missions?

[groupiedrifter]

Well, I think technically we're... putting them back together??? Kinda?
So the opposite of that, really.
They're reverse-eggs.

[eyeronically]

so. we're all the king's horses and men putting humpty-dumpty back together again.

[groupiedrifter]

Pretty much, yep.
Only the pieces you're putting back together are all individualized DICKHEADS WHO SCREW WITH YOU FOR FUNSIES.

[eyeronically]

does it get really bad?

[groupiedrifter]

YES.

It is very often, in the most academic way I can describe, a shitshow.
And our job is to deal with that shitshow before it gets even shittier of a show.
The orbs force the crew to do a lot of demeaning personal goals in order to get as much of their power as possible.
And they make situations worse for most of the people or planets we get them from.

But as much as it sucks to deal with, it's worth it to help the planets we visit and get our own goals on the right track for back home.

[eyeronically]

cool.

( it is, in fact, not cool at all. )

has anyone validated if it's true or not, the whole regret thing? is this really all worth it?

[groupiedrifter]

Apparently yes.
But honestly? Get it from the source, not just me.
Viveca and Degar have the most experience with it, so hearing it from their mouth's better. They're honest people who've dealt with this, same place as us.