Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

[oiorpata]

Maybe this whole time I've just been testing Newt.

[morethan084]

You’re not supposed to let him onto that.

[oiorpata]

It's been long enough for me to get a little more obvious about it.

[morethan084]

I guess you’re right

[oiorpata]

Thanks for admitting it 😎

[morethan084]

i regret ever teaching you how to use emojis

[oiorpata]

🥺🥺🥺

[morethan084]

that doesnt work on me

[oiorpata]

😭

[morethan084]

neither does that, but good try

[oiorpata]

🖕

[morethan084]

im surprised you dont use that one more often

[oiorpata]

I'd have to use texting more often. Don't worry it's always there in spirit.

[morethan084]

right i forgot

You’re probably used to sending messages through the mail, or by carrier pigeon.

[oiorpata]

Don't knock a pigeon, those fuckers were smart.

[morethan084]

The ones im used to are fat and eat everything on the ground

[She did grow up in Manhattan after all.]

[oiorpata]

They're living the life.

Pigeons and doves aren't all that different, you realize.

[morethan084]

so not only are you a horse girl

youre also a bird girl

[oiorpata]

Knowing a single fact about pigeons doesn't make someone a bird girl.

[morethan084]

so you dont know any other facts?

[Press X for doubt.]

[oiorpata]

I know which birds you can eat and which ones taste good.

[morethan084]

what do you mean which birds can you eat?

Aren’t all of them edible?

[oiorpata]

Some of them just taste like shit.

[morethan084]

never thought I’d hear you say that about any kind of food

[oiorpata]

I might eat everything but that doesn't mean some of it isn't garbage.

[ sometimes literally. ]