Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

[peasant]

Some might call it the stuff of legends.

[ annoyingly cryptic? it's more likely than you'd think, but she's keenly aware of which serpentine eyes prey on her posts scattered across the network. ]

Is that going to be an issue?

[oiorpata]

Great, it'll fit right in with half my stash.

[ and dare she say herself?? ]

I can't teach you shit about magic, but I can at least get you on the right path to proper form and use of a typical liuyedao.

[peasant]

If it helps, it doesn't shoot out lightning or anything. Its craftmanship is just ... unique.

[ comforting!! ]

That might be for the better. I think you would be an unstoppable force if the world had given you magic, too.

[oiorpata]

Have you seen my labrys? I'm pretty adaptable to unique.

I don't need magic to do that already.

[peasant]

[ humble, but not altogether wrong. andy might be the only person who can rightfully make that claim. how do you stop the unstoppable, when they won't stay dead? ( it's only more reason to be grateful her ideals don't align with kirigan's; andy would make too powerful of an enemy.) ]

That's the ... axe?

[ look. she's trying here. ]

[oiorpata]

The double sided one specifically, yes. It's had a lot of modifications since I first got it. Labrys is an older word for them. Habit, I guess.

[ it's as old as she is! even with the real big ship of theseus question about it. ]

[peasant]

I hear old age has that effect.

[ it's a testament to her comfort with andy, to some small degree, that she can ease into that joke without an immediate apology. ]

What sort of modifications?
I've a friend who fancies her axes more than she fancies people. I might be able to bring back some new ideas for her.

[oiorpata]

Don't make me rescind the offer. Maybe I shouldn't be teaching toddlers to wield weapons.

[ it's the exact kind of way andy likes to show affection, the teasing element. she can own her senior citizen status for the sake of joking about alina's youth in kind. ]

The wears and tears need repairing. Styles change, so the axe did too. Your friend is smart, I love a good axe. It's all about finding the right person who really understands the weapon.

[peasant]

It's less responsible to leave me unsupervised.

[ those words couldn't be truer than if she'd meant them as genuine. still — ]

I'm not sure I'm equipped for that. I'm a bit ...

[ small. prone to collapsing beneath the heavy sturdiness of its weight. a glass cannon. alina decides on, eloquently, ]

Twiggy, I suppose. Best to stick to swordwork.

[oiorpata]

I meant that more for you friend - about finding the right blacksmiths and metalworkers.

[ andy... could bench press alina. twiggy is not inaccurate. ]

But if you can't even lift a sword, we'd have to start building your muscle strength first. Luckily a liuyedao isn't that heavy. We can start whenever you like.

[peasant]

I can lift a sword.

[ the conversation's medium of text dulls the defensive edge to it, but it's still — present. like a child trying to prove themselves beyond the limitations of their age and size, playing at games of swords and heroes, overly confident in themselves.

somewhere in the bowels of ximilia's station, alina emits a light-hearted scoff. ]

And I know how to kill a man with one, too. How hard could the rest possibly be?

[ famous last words ... ]

[oiorpata]

[ text or otherwise, she can hear the prickly tone and it makes andy smile. alina's sharpness never hits andy as hard as intended, but she does heal from all wounds very quickly. ]

Don't worry, I know size has no bearing on someone's ability to use a sword.

Should we go right into dueling then? If lifting and stabbing is all there is to it, might as well jump ahead.

[peasant]

Very funny.

[ is this??? teasing?? she's fairly certain, but andy has more of a pass than alina would grant most others. it's the honesty, perhaps — the raw edges of knowing what andy once was, without concealing it beneath layers and layers of deception and piss-poor excuses. ]

Is that usually how you mentor people? Seems like it would be a good recipe for accidentally cutting off a finger or two.

[oiorpata]

Apparently you've already got the basics down, so I'm just trying to match your pace. It's important to meet people at their level.

That's the thing about weapons even when you're being careful. There's always a chance of losing a finger or two. Lucky for you, mine will grow back if you lob them off with a bad swing.

[ alina will not be losing any fingers. ]

[peasant]

[ ew. ]

Has anyone ever told you you're really quite gross?

[ said with much love, xoxo. ]

[oiorpata]

I'm stating a fact.

Spare the middle one, it's my favorite.

[peasant]

To be fair, you already have a spare if you lose one.

[ to be more fair — ]

I'd prefer if you didn't bleed on me at all, if that's an option.

[oiorpata]

The easiest way to avoid bloodshed is to listen to what I tell you.

So that'll be up to you.

[peasant]

I'm a perfectly good listener.

[ press x to doubt. she is an abominable listener — a perfect quality to uphold as a queen, and an awful one to maintain as a student. still, ]

So long as the instructions are reasonable. I've no reason to doubt you know what you're doing. More than anyone on this ship, really.

[oiorpata]

We'll see.

[ she knows you're a little shit, alina. ]

Your vote of confidence isn't misplaced. And I won't make you do anything I don't think you're capable of.