Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

[groupiedrifter]

My poor data is compromised.
How will I cope????


.......... Are you really allergic to nuts, though?
Because if you are then the baklava thing is a concerning level of masochism.

[oiorpata]

Isn't that something every scientist needs to be prepared for?

No, congratulations you found one bit of bullshit. But I might suffer for it if I had to.

[groupiedrifter]

I mean, same.
I wouldn't let anything stop me from eating unhealthy food.
You can pry my peanut M&Ms out of my cold, puffy, hive-covered hands.

And of course we gotta be prepared!
It doesn't mean I'm not an extremely loud complainer.
😬☝

[oiorpata]

I've eaten literal garbage and a myriad of unhealthy shit over the years. A bag of flaming hot dill pickle remix potato chips is nothing.

Are you actually allergic to them?

[groupiedrifter]

If I were allergic before, I'm sure not now.
I've will-powered any allergies out of my body, I'm invincible against food now.

[this scientist has 6 phds]

[oiorpata]

I'm not a scientist but I'm not sure that's how the science of allergies works.

[groupiedrifter]

You guys have been forcing me to ignore biological logic and concrete scientific laws for two years straight because of your weird magical hub-bub, and NOW you're gonna pull the 'science' card on me???

[oiorpata]

I personally never pulled the magical hub-bub card on you, so I think I can pull the science card.

Trust an epi-pen over willpower.

[groupiedrifter]

It's just a matter of time!
... But if I need an epi-pen, I'll make a note of it.
Luckily, I'm a totally allergy-free specimen.

So far.

There are a lot of new things to be allergic to on other planets, though.

[oiorpata]

I don't even think I can be allergic to anything. If I was before, I never found out.

Maybe people should start carrying epi-pens in those first aid kits. Unless they're already in them. There's some weird alien shit out there.

[ andy does not, ever, pick one up. she forgets, because she doesn't need it 90% of the time! ]