Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

[rootlessly]

I'm not sure what it means to be Swamp Thing, but that's still three people who wouldn't have cared if you hadn't given them a chance, right?

[greenpower]

He's a Swamp Thing. Trust me, it makes sense if you see it.

[Which is beside the point.]

What makes you think I gave any of them a chance?

[rootlessly]

Well, you'd said you'd given enough people chances, and it sounded like you meant three of those people cared.

But if you didn't give them a chance and they cared anyway, isn't that all the more reason to try? More people might surprise you like that.

[greenpower]

The people who actually cared, cared whether or not I gave them a chance. They were just good people regardless.

Good people aren't that common is what I'm telling you.

[rootlessly]

I don't think you can distill people down to just good or bad.
Life's too complicated for that.

[greenpower]

How about this? Most people are ASSHOLES.

[rootlessly]

[...you've got him there, Ivy.]

Ahaha, I wouldn't say most, but I suppose that's a matter of opinion.

People can be assholes and still care, though.

[Ask him about certain priests he may have gotten to know.]

[greenpower]

...

Okay.

I'll give you that. Sometimes people are assholes but not, like, assholes.

[rootlessly]

Haha exactly. They don't usually want you to know they're not the second kind, either.

[greenpower]

Sounds like you know a lot of that kind of person.

[rootlessly]

I meet a lot of people while traveling, is all.
You get to noticing patterns, after enough time.

[Though he definitely is thinking of One In Particular at this moment.]

[greenpower]

You know, that might make your optimism even worse. You'd think you'd learn by now.

But as long as you don't go trying to fit me in your patterns, you might as well do you.

[rootlessly]

You'd be surprised

[Humans can certainly be cruel and selfish and apathetic, but there's more to them than that. Most importantly: they can change.

As for Ivy herself, he chooses wisely not to point out she's already fit into some of them, and leaves it at that. She's really not so difficult to understand as she might think, but he'll let it be. For now, at least.]