Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

[laviny]

Okay, isn’t that the sort of thing you should ask one of them? I know them and I like them, but I can’t tell you what their relationship is like. They don’t talk about that with me.

Ohhh. I get it now. You are very arrogant and rich, and you like technology and inventing things. You are like Ravka's Tony Stark. I get it, I get it.

[If Tony Stark were also a ruler, which is a terrible thought, actually.]

Too bad about the space ships, though.

[ravkas]

so they're clearly not in a good place, or they're in no place at all. trust me, you would know if things were going swimmingly. you would see it. over and over again. endlessly.

you say those things like they're bad.

[laviny]

I would point out to you that this is public and they can see you saying that, but you just got yelled at, so you’ve probably noticed.

Being arrogant is kind of bad, yes. Being rich can also be bad, depending on what you do with it. Liking technology is fine, though.

[ravkas]

well, i've never seen mal read anything in his life.

we need rich people around so they can continue to hire you to assassinate all the people they dislike. i won't be hiring you, but i generally support the freedom to work. yours is a bit questionable, though.

[laviny]

That’s rude. That is a rude thing to say. This is why arrogance is bad.

Well, you know, I’ve been doing it since I was 6, my options are limited. It’s a specific skill set.

[ravkas]

i'll make sure to apologize the next time i see him.

you can fly. do you know how many people can't fly? we don't need a specific number. it's a lot.
in ravka, everyone is drafted into the army. everyone is taught to kill. very few can fly.

[laviny]

I can’t fly. I can make a plane fly. And it may be a rare skill in your world, but it is common enough where I’m from. People do it as a hobby.

[ravkas]

if you want to kill people, that's perfectly reasonable. i have my fair share of blood on my hands and i can't say i enjoy the feeling. but if you want to do something else, your options aren't limited unless you're dead. and you seem very much alive.
you can sell yourself short if you want, miss — you never told me your name — but i'd rather not.

[laviny]

Yelena Belova.

Are you giving me a pep talk?

[ravkas]

i'm fatalistically optimistic, unfortunately. the curse of my natural disposition.

[laviny]

With a network name like Sobachka I guess that checks out.

[Puppies are eternally optimistic, it’s true.]

[ravkas]

my mother gave me the nickname as a child. i suppose it was apparent even then.

[ it's preferable to think of it as optimism instead of mongrel for the bastard he is. ]

[laviny]

Children are usually optimistic until they have reason not to be.