Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

i do not see it

[ravkas]

[ his goals are all ravka. he doesn't have the luxury to stretch himself to other ends, much less to make this into something it isn't, which is what? love? it's far from that and will likely never be that. but nothing is ever impossible, and that foolish little notion is what he can't seem to rid himself of. he doesn't want to be his parents. he doesn't want to wake up one day with a full head of marvelously gray hair and realize that his wife can't stand the sight of him. ]

installing onto the throne a grisha queen who allegedly consorted with the darkling isn't ambitious enough? i'm rather impressed with us.

[ that sounded far more witty in his head. ]

where's your room, by the way? i feel like we should know these things about each other.

blows u a kiss

[peasant]

allegedly.

[ her bones want to jump out of her skin, having that so publicly broadcast — until she remembers, with crystalline clarity, no one knows aleksander by such a title here. another of his nasty stains wiped clean on the slate.

still, there's an adamant punctuation behind the singular word, laying that rumor to rest and burying it. allegedly. she would much rather sit in the ground with it than admit any basis to it, beyond malicious courtly gossip, and nikolai —

nikolai, of all of them, should know better than to flippantly parade rumors. ]

it's first room on your left when you enter the southwestern wing. [ very casually, ] mal's been bunking in the extra bed.

[ nailed it. ]

[ravkas]

[ a joke, an unfunny joke, because why would it be funny? why would the actions of a man who nearly destroyed them both be fitting to bring up? nikolai has to laugh at all of it or he will go mad, but that doesn't exactly mean everyone else must bear the burden of his humor.

small regret.

he's very cheerily about to announce that he will show up with sweets, but the following sentence dampens his plans considerably. are they or are they not separated? only the saints know. ]

that must be comforting.

[ ??????????? ]

i'm off to do some exploring. if i find myself in the southwestern wing, i'll pop in to say hello to you both.

[peasant]

[ ????????? ok weirdo. nikolai's definition of comforting might as well include stepping into baba yaga's household, or fraternizing with the monster under a child's bed, if living with mal — mal, who has made it known she isn't a fixture in his life any longer — is what he calls comforting.

still. she isn't going to air her dirty laundry, the way nikolai has. next she knows, he'll be drying her underwear in the sunlight room for everyone to gawk at, with how little regard for privacy he has. ]

i wouldn't bother if i were you. if you're looking for mal, he spends most of his days in the sunlight room.
good luck on your adventures. try not to drown without your boat.

[ well. it's a suitably awkward end to a doubly awkward conversation. ]