text. un: barnes.

[starer]

Its been about four weeks. Though I guess I should say Earth weeks. Twenty-seven days since we started turning up. Two since it started happening again.

[Which begs the question, when does it stop? Seventy-two beds on this area of the station. Are they planning to keep going after that?]

Viveca is the name of the AI that spoke to us all then. Some of you may have spoken to her already. She went missing though, a couple of days after we arrived. There was a power cut, she said something about an emergency mode, and then she was gone.

We got a delivery right before that though. Clothes, toiletries, books, food. A bunch of stuff showed up and got split out.

That was when there were twenty-seven of us. Looks like we've about doubled since then. So if you new folks needs something, ask. There's probably someone here who can help.

Speaking of, we're stuck relying on those drops to get fresh food. So don't hog it. There's kids here who need it too.

[Edward]

A guy I know. He cooks up huge batches of food at a time. If you're hungry, check the fridge. Nine times out of ten, he's left something in there you can have.

[And if not, giving Sam a look will probably be more than enough to get him to make something new.]

You've also all probably noticed that you can't get in to the Northern Wing. Its been like that since we first got here, and we've got no idea what's on the other side. It's classified, apparently. Messing with whatever's on the other side would affect us all, so I wouldn't suggest trying to break through.

Don't know about you guys, but I don't plan on getting tossed out an airlock if I can help it.

[And that's it. No sign off. No goodbye. No anything. Sorry?]


[ooc: Feel free to threadjack as much as you like! Bucky's using this post as an information exchange.]

Comments

[unclesam]

Sweet.

[ None of the things that Bucky did - that the WInter Solder did - are things Sam would ever hld against the man. Not really, not truly. They happened, and acknowledging that is part of Bucky's healing process - what good is 'that wasn't you'? Bucky knows that. Doesn't mean he can't remember doing it. Or that no one got hurt along the way. To pretend otherwise would be too diminish both the horrors inflicted on Bucky and his progress since. He was't just a mindless tool for Hydra - he was in there, aware.

Sam's grateful that nothing so grand was taken from him that would have required an entry in Bucky's notebook. ]

I know. I ain't asking you to play nice, Buck. I'm asking you to play peaceful. Let me worry about 'nice'.

[starer]

I thought that's what I was doing.

[Because he hasn't gone looking for her. Hasn't engaged any further. Sam had asked him to stop, and so he'd stopped. And sure, maybe there's a small part of him that feels guilty for backing Johnson into a corner. But it's entirely overpowered by the fact that she supported SHIELD's actions so wholeheartedly. SHIELD. HYDRA. They're on in the same, no matter what anybody thinks. After a lifetime spent under HYDRA's command, he knows.]

Look, as long as she leaves me alone, I ain't starting anything.

[And with that, he just heads off further in to the Sunlight room. Though despite Sam having mentioned their "usual" place, Bucky takes a turn to the right instead. Leading the way towards the bank of a river instead. It's time for a change of scenery.]

[unclesam]

And if she approaches you? You gonna remember your manners, or do I gotta worry about you punching holes through the hull to hard vacuum?

[ He's with Bucky on that assessment. Maybe a little less fatalistic, but not by much. If anyone's gonna refuse to be a fan of any type of borderline cult club, it's Sam Wilson.

Bucky can be as prickly as he likes, long as he doesn't start throwing down with her.

All bets off if she throws down first, of course.

When Bucky changes direction, Sam takes note, but simply takes the turn as well and follows Bucky without second thought. ]

[starer]

I put up with you all this time without punching anything.

[Well, enemies aside. But the point still stands. He knows how to control his anger, most of the time. And with something like this, on a space station with a finite amount of space, he knows he has to play this all carefully. So if that means just walking away from her, he'll do it. He knows how to pick his battles, even if he doesn't always follow through on it.]

You don't need to keep going on about this. HYDRA turns up here, then we'll talk. Otherwise, can we just drop this?

[Though the idea of someone like Pierce or Rumlow turning up here does leave a bitter taste in his mouth. Even Zemo would be a step too far. The words may not work, but three people here knowing who he is (was) is still more than he'd like. If a former handler showed up...]

[unclesam]

You put up with me all the time 'cause I'm a delight.

[ Or because Sam knows how far to push and when to back off, and he's learned to straddle that line carefully.

It's why the mention of HYDRA makes him raise a hand to knock his fist very lightly against Bucky's shoulder, just like Bucky did with him on the docks in Delacroix. A small, soft reminder that he's got Bucky's back.

And any of those assholes show up, Sam's gonna personally stuff them into the airlock and won't feel bad about it either. There's some characters not worth entertaining.

He thinks of Walker briefly. And hopes that will never become a reality. ]

Been meaning to ask you something different, anyway. What are you changing?

[starer]

[It's only the decades of practice he's had at keeping his emotions in check that hold his grimace back. He'd known it was only ever going to be a matter of time before one of them asked the question. But as curious as he might have been, Bucky wasn't ever going to be the one to ask. Not when he knows that Sam would only turn the question back on him.

He isn't ready to have that conversation. Not when he already knows just how badly Sam would react.]

That it wasn't my right arm instead. Do you know how much easier life would be?

[You know, being able to tighten bolts with his hand instead of a wrench.]

[unclesam]

[ Sam snorts. Tries for a moment to picture it, to just mirror flip Bucky's entire look, and can't quite manage. Weird how used he's gotten to Bucky's particular brand of asymmetry. He knows the guy's not serious, of course.

Thing is, there are only so many things Sam can imagine on his own, and they all twist at something deep in his chest in their own way.

Maybe it's something small, like wishing he'd approached one of his amends conversations differently, wishing things had turned out differently with the Dora Milaje, wishing he'd never freed Zemo, wishing they'd stopped Walker before blood got on the shield. Maybe it's about a specific kill that he wishes he could undo, or maybe it's about never being able to square things away with Stark before the man died.

But that doesn't feel very Bucky.

Sam puts his hands in his pockets, glances ahead instead of at Bucky.

No, what Sam really suspects is that Bucky regrets not convincing Steve to stay - or not going with him. He's spent some workouts trying to parse how he feels about that - about the sinking suspicion that what Bucky truly wants is something that's incompatible with his continued existence in Sam's life. He tries not to let it hurt - tries to take the ache, put it in a box and put that box in the same space that Steve leaving occupies. ]

So you're just... never gonna tell me?

[starer]

Thought I just did.

[Though there's little doubt in his mind that Sam would've ever believed him. Even if it had been his real regret, he knows the other man wouldn't take him seriously. Not with the sheer number of moments in his past that he could use this station to undo.

He can't afford to tell Sam the truth. Not when he already knows what he'll be giving up the moment his regret is undone.

(It's worth it. It has to be worth it. He's just...so tired.)]

What're you here for then?

[After the past couple of months, he has a few ideas. Sam really is a far better person than America deserves.]

[unclesam]

[ Sam glances over to Bucky briefly. Just to make sure that Bucky feels exactly how unimpressed Sam is with the answer.

And if the avoidance smarts a little, well... it's not surprising, exactly, for Bucky to shut him out. Just reaffirms what Sam suspects. ]

Karli.

[ He shrugs a shoulder. ]

She was just 19. A child. And she died in my arms cause I failed to save her. She deserved to get a shot at life, figure out a different path. I'd have backed her in that. And I will if this works.

[ Sam gestures at their surroundings lightly. ]

Plenty other things I wish I could change, plenty things I have some regret over to this day. But too much has happened. My pararescue career goes different, who catches Steve's dumb ass in DC, y'know? Besides, it ain't about me. It's about a kid who died too young. That's worth more than my own personal hangups over not being able to ship home for my parents' funeral, y'know?

[ And if he regrets the joint decision to volunteer for the Falcon program with Riley, if they don't do that, if Riley lives and so does Sam, if they come home never having flown on their wings, then who catches Steve when he falls? If he's able to attend his parents' funeral, then who says he ever goes back to Afghanistan, ever becomes a counsellor? If he tries harder to keep the Avengers togethern, then who says things don't turn out worse for some or all of them?

Can't risk it. Won't risk it. ]

[starer]

[It's less of a surprise than it probably should be. He may have only known Sam for a relatively short amount of time. But even that is long enough for him to realize that Sam is good. That he's the kind of person to put himself last for the sake of helping others. That somehow, despite all the trouble and hardships he's had in his life, he still somehow sees the best in people. There's still a cellphone filled with unread messages back home that's a testament to that, for better or worse.

(Steve really had made the right choice. Sure, the two of them may not have fully understood the burden that was being placed on Sam's shoulders at the time. But he more than stepped up to the challenge.]

You didn't fail her. You gave her a chance that nobody else would. The way things ended up? That ain't on you.

[He gave her a way out, even when Walker was at his throat. Gave her the option to find another way to fix things. To make a difference. But she hadn't taken that way out, no matter who offered it to her. She was fighting for something bigger than herself, and they both know all too well that sometimes the costs can be high. Karli had made her stand, but now Sam is left behind to pick up the pieces.

The only power I have is that I believe we can do better.

Because Sam is the Captain America that the country needs right now.)]

You're the one that's gonna make that difference, Sam. For her, and for everyone else that's stuck in the same place she was.

[unclesam]

[ Sam's used to carrying himself on nothing but his own strength and determination. To once again have someone by his side who Sam knows stands in his corner, has his back and helps him forwards... it's good. It's so damn good.

But Sam also knows how this goes. His friends, his loved ones, his family, his partners... they die, they leave, something happens. They're taken from him one way or another.

Sometimes they take themselves from him. Go where he can't follow, risk what he can't catch. Sam doesn't know if it will ever not hurt, even just a little bit, how easily Steve walked away without a headsup, without a glance back, without regret. He deserves his happy ending. But it doesn't mean Sam or for that matter Bucky don't get to be wounded.

Sam considers himself lucky that somehow, through all that, they've been able to move forwards alongside one another. Wouldn't trade that for anything. ​]

A Captain America for those this nation's notoriously left behind, hm?

[ It sounds like a joke, and there's a smile tugging on Sam's lip. But it's not really a joke - it's exactly what he wants to stand for, who he wants to be able to rally behind the shield stronger than ever before. ]

It means a lot that you believe in me, Buck.