ximilia | voice - un: nightmoves

[ sorry, everyone - Dean is...very drunk. Very, very drunk. There's a lot of reasons for this, but most notably, it's a Monday and that's what matters, right? It's not like it's his birthday and no one gives a shit again, for the thirtieth? thirty-first? time...

does he even age, here? Is it even really January? Cause it was May for him when he got here, and then suddenly they've skipped months and it was Christmas and now it's January or some shit, he doesn't know. ]

Guys, is it just me or does anyone else just like...not give a shit anymore? Like this is crazy, right? Weeks and weeks of bullshit, mission after mission, same story different folks, more investigating these damn people who just parrot the same friggin' story over and over, like we're eating snakes, man, that's just--

[ a breath, steadying; ]

That's just not right. And all for what? Cause we might get to undo a regret? Cause we fucked up so monumentally in our own worlds that we gotta sign some weird sleep paralysis contract that's probably gonna backfire in our faces - cause lemme tell you from firsthand experience, deals always have a price - and feed friggin' alien orbs our goddamn souls? Or whatever the hell it is you magic people have I dunno, I'm useless there.

Man, fuck this. I'm out. I don't care anymore.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...Okay, yeah, those are some pretty strange situations.

[ Jesus. ]

No -- you're right, I just... Had a moment of weakness. I shouldn't have spewed my bullshit.

[ he's calming, a little; there's some merit to having people that actually give a shit. It's been such a fleeting thing in his life - people who genuinely care. ]

You think? Kinda feeling like a weak link, lately.

No, that's not what I'm saying. If you have doubts, it is better to voice them then to let them fester in your mind.

[ He pauses, gathering his words. ]

If there's anything I've learned in my many long years, it's that we are only as weak as our connections to others. All of us have moments of feeling downtrodden, weak, useless.

[ Not that he'd have admitted it when he was younger. ]

It is our connections, our community, that allow us to overcome these moments. You have friends here. Rely on them to help you when you need it. And if you truly wish to leave, then I certainly wouldn't begrudge you that decision.

[ It takes him a minute to respond,, to private this shit and to really digest what Megatron is saying -- because it's hard for him to accept help, to lean on people. He's spent most of his life shouldering a heavy load (most people here have, he's sure), and now that he's had his outburst and feels like a dickhead, it's hard not to yank back and withdraw in on himself, which is his kneejerk reaction. ]

I don't... really want to leave. I know I need to fix what I did, and I've got Hell waiting on me if we're successful, so it's not what I'd call a happy ending for me. I guess that, coupled with it being today, it just--

Overwhelmed me.

It's an overwhelming thing, looking at a future with no hope. I know the feeling very well.

[ He's sympathetic, even if he still sounds like a grumpy, overly stern jerk. ]

Just remember you are not alone.

[ He shouldn't do this and yet-- ]

Feel free to seek me out, if you need some perspective on things. Often times the way something seems in her mind does not match reality, if only because of how our worries and biases twist things up.

That helps. Really.

[ because sometimes he does feel alone; everyone's got their own worries, their own regrets. It's hard not to. ]

I...will. You've helped a lot. Like, a whole lot.

I'm glad to hear that's the case, Nightmoves.

Take care of yourself.

I, uh. I will. You too, okay?

I always do.

[ Click. ]

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