voice - un: nightmoves

[ruinously]

[ sorry, everyone - Dean is...very drunk. Very, very drunk. There's a lot of reasons for this, but most notably, it's a Monday and that's what matters, right? It's not like it's his birthday and no one gives a shit again, for the thirtieth? thirty-first? time...

does he even age, here? Is it even really January? Cause it was May for him when he got here, and then suddenly they've skipped months and it was Christmas and now it's January or some shit, he doesn't know. ]

Guys, is it just me or does anyone else just like...not give a shit anymore? Like this is crazy, right? Weeks and weeks of bullshit, mission after mission, same story different folks, more investigating these damn people who just parrot the same friggin' story over and over, like we're eating snakes, man, that's just--

[ a breath, steadying; ]

That's just not right. And all for what? Cause we might get to undo a regret? Cause we fucked up so monumentally in our own worlds that we gotta sign some weird sleep paralysis contract that's probably gonna backfire in our faces - cause lemme tell you from firsthand experience, deals always have a price - and feed friggin' alien orbs our goddamn souls? Or whatever the hell it is you magic people have I dunno, I'm useless there.

Man, fuck this. I'm out. I don't care anymore.

Comments

[ruinously]

Mhm. Yeah.

[ He listens without listening, takes the glass in his hand and drains it. His mouth and throat are dry, and he's very aware he's going to regret this in the morning. He's already got a lot of regrets right now. ]

It's my birthday, today. I think. Back home, when I got pulled here, it was May, but with all the Christmas stuff we just had, and if I'm counting right, it's--yeah. It's today.

[xwing]

[ oh. luke blinks, taking the empty glass from dean and setting it on the nightstand, then turning back to look at him. ] That means that despite everything working against you, you made it another year. That's.. a good thing, to me.

[ he reaches, fingers curling over the back of dean's hand and squeezing. ]

What is it about your birthday that's so hard for you?

[ruinously]

It's complicated.

[ Complicated in ways he doesn't know how to articulate, not properly. He was never taught good coping skills, he doesn't know how to blurt out that ever year something fucking awful happened, that he wasn't even eighteen when his asshole father sent him out to set fire to a ghostly set of lesbian nuns, that every year after got worse and worse, so much so that there's a solid chunk of time he barely remembers?

He takes a breath and swallows, lifts his gaze to where the liquor bottle sits across the room. ]

It's never a good day. That's all.

[xwing]

[ there's a thoughtful pause, and luke lifts their linked hands, pressing a kiss to dean's wrist fondly. ]

Then pick another day. [ a second kiss is dropped into the center of dean's palm, and he tilts a small smile up at him. ] And let's make sure your new birthday is a good day from now on. [ as long as dean's here, at least. ] Pick a different day every year if you like. You shouldn't have to associate your continued life with bad things happening.

[ruinously]

Can you just do that?

[ His tone is a little dubious - it's not like he can change the day he was born. Right?

No. Of course not. But maybe he can pick the day he celebrates. Doesn't have to be January 24th. ]

[xwing]

Why not? [ birthdays aren't exactly something luke's ever put much thought in. they're rarely important at home, except in terms of legal issues. ] Every year you add another 'one' to your age, why does it matter what day of the year you do it?

[ he rubs his thumb over one of the lines in dean's palm, thoughtful, head tilting. ] Let's make your birthday next month instead, maybe. Or the month after that. If you wake up one morning feeling especially good, let's make it that day instead.

[ruinously]

Yeah, I guess you're right...

[ He'd never really thought about it that way before, but it makes sense. Maybe it's not a bad idea to claim something else, make it his. Give his old man the ultimate fuck you, maybe.

Then again, he's probably already done that with all the boy kissing he's done here. So. ]