[video] BACKDATED TO JAN. 19TH | un: newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Ah, yes, it's the half-dragon birthday boy!

He wastes no time in playing out the likely anticipated song of celebration.

Watch on YouTube

This lute is getting some mileage.

It ends on a smug, contented:]

Haaaappy biiiirthday to meeeee!

That's the second birthday in a row that we're stuck on a mission. Man. But at least this birthday wasn't me stuck on a western-themed planet where we literally ran out of food to eat. That was a real freakin' bummer. [... well, it was the worst part until the townspeople turned into ash, but we don't talk about our traumas, new bloods] You guys better tell me happy birthday by the end of the day, or I'll cast a spell on you.

.... Mmmmnah, that would be too easy.

I'll just follow you around playing nothing but the happy birthday theme.


But the point of this wasn't just to shout at the rooftops that I'm 37-years-old! I spoke with the barkeep, Fribbington? What a queen, guys; I'm so jealous of her beard. Do you know how hard it is for me to get one of those? It's borderline impossible.

Ah — Right. Like, I spoke with her, and she really does not like Jun Shortaxe. Something about being sure you and him are on the same side, because it's not always that clear. But she had a lot of good things to say about Dweyre — that he was smart as a tack, helped a lot of people while in their party, best in his group at the Knights of the Seven Sisters... that after he died, nothing was ever really the same for them. I wish I could say anything else about the conversation jumped out at me... but...

Oh!

She mentioned the heirloom was some kind of scepter.

Round and royal-like, passed down through the kings. So valuable to King Zaros that he was willing to send parties after it and into deadly situations. Apparently this kind of gig, it would have set up Fribbington and the Brigade for the rest of their days as adventurers.

Unfortunately, things went really sideways. You know.

But uh! Yeah, that's all I got. I gotta admit, I've never been very good at finding the little details when it comes to things like this — maybe that's the ADHD talking. Either way, I'm almost done with the Ballard of Dweyre, so make sure you stop by the tavern and give a listen.

... Also, like. Cake. I want cake this birthday.

Someone around here has to have cake.

And I've also got an important questionnaire for everyone, by the way; no rush to finish it, it's just a little something to pass the time. Especially you new people. New people are required to fill this out.

[Anyone who knows him knows he's full of shit. But the text file comes through:]


NAME:
DATE OF BIRTH:
FAVORITE MOVIES:
FAVORITE FOODS:
FAVORITE MUSIC:

What’s your claim to fame?

How do you like to spend your free time?

What skill would you like to master? 

What is your proudest accomplishment? 

What is your biggest pet peeve?

What is the most useless talent you have? 

If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Are you a cat or a dog person?

Do you sing in the shower?

If you only had 5 minutes in a grocery store, what would you buy?

Which body part do you wish you could detach and why?

If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

If police arrested you with no explanation, what would your friends assume you had done?

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Comments

audio; un: Sabriel.Abhorsen

[bindsthedead]

Happy birthday Newton! And that's... interesting. If she was also a member of the Songbird brigade- well, I wonder what she'd say about Jun's claims of Ellia betraying them.

[It sounds like there are conflicting, overlapping versions of the same story.]

And the king's clearly desperate to get his hands on the orb. Although given what he was using it for, he's the last person who should be near it.

audio;

[groupiedrifter]

Thanks! I feel like a million bucks just making it to the next year at this point.

[These missions are totally dangerous, after all. Also, the whole 'being possessed and surviving' thing. He knows he's damn lucky to have a 37th birthday.]

Are they really not all on the same page about these Ellia person?

text; un: romanoff

[deaddrop]

Since it's your birthday.

NAME: Natasha Romanoff
DATE OF BIRTH: 12/3/84
FAVORITE MOVIES: Actually, I think you owe me a movie.
FAVORITE FOODS: Hard liquor & potato chips.
FAVORITE MUSIC: Still Tchaikovsky.

What’s your claim to fame? Natural redhead.

How do you like to spend your free time? Bold of you to assume I have free time.

What skill would you like to master? Palm reading.

What is your proudest accomplishment? Pass.

What is your biggest pet peeve? Expresso.

What is the most useless talent you have? I can resist the temptation of a warm pie.

If you had a warning label, what would yours say? ⚠️⚡

Are you a cat or a dog person? Guess.

Do you sing in the shower? Only if I have an audience.

If you only had 5 minutes in a grocery store, what would you buy? Hard liquor & potato chips.

Which body part do you wish you could detach and why? You know if you really wanted to detach part of your body, you could.

If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? What makes you think I haven't already?

If police arrested you with no explanation, what would your friends assume you had done? My friends know it was a set up.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Shit. Now I have to go back and change my useless talent.

[It is safe to assume that at least a third of these are complete fabrications, and people recall her previous responses might recognize that.]

[heroooic]

[There wasn't a single response to this that Finn doesn't want to comment on, but one in particular stands out above all the others.]

PASS!? c'mon nattle! get your pride on!!

[groupiedrifter]

Ah, shit, do I owe you a movie?
Maybe I do.
What movie were you thinking?

Also

I'm gonna guess you're a cat person.

[drawsblood]

Happy birthday.

[ Yes, with a period, not an exclamation point. He doesn't want a spell cast on him so he's begrudgingly doing this. ]

NAME: Joric
DATE OF BIRTH: We do not record the day. Sometime in early spring. That is all I know.
FAVORITE MOVIES: I don't know.
FAVORITE FOODS: Stews with meat in them.
FAVORITE MUSIC: Any is fine.

What’s your claim to fame?: It would be for others to tell me what they know me for.

How do you like to spend your free time?: Playing cards, drinking, fishing

What skill would you like to master?: I think I know enough.

What is your proudest accomplishment?: Being a good brother.

What is your biggest pet peeve?: People who talk too much with nothing to say. [ But that couldn't be directed at anyone in particular, right? ]

What is the most useless talent you have?: I can make flower crowns. It only had use in making them for my sister.

If you had a warning label, what would yours say?: Stay away.

Are you a cat or a dog person?: Dog.

Do you sing in the shower?: No.

If you only had 5 minutes in a grocery store, what would you buy?: Meat.

Which body part do you wish you could detach and why?: No.

If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?: Thorm. It's what I'm using here and it's easy to remember.

If police arrested you with no explanation, what would your friends assume you had done?: Beat someone up. Because that's why I was arrested here.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?: No.

[groupiedrifter]

Jooooric, my maaaan!
You sound particularly grumpy in these comments.
Maybe that has to do with you apparently being arrested.

text; un: raddude5000

[heroooic]

[Thank Glob at least a few of the new people were rule followers. Especially since Joric was a few ticks too far on the cool spectrum to henpeck the way he'd done with the others...]

kinda monosilabic, bro. [Spelling isn't a strong suit.] there's really nothing you're famous for back home? even like, just with your homies?

audio; un: y.mikotoba

[softshoes]

I'm glad to see you much recovered on your birthday, Doctor! I wish you the very best in this coming year.

[sorry newt, you are no longer in crisis mode, he's going back to the formal address!!!]

Ms. Fribbington is really a wonderful resource, isn't she? Fantastic ale, too. I think she'd be very pleased to hear your ballad.

[Meanwhile, he is ignoring the questionnaire. That is WAY more info than he wants to share unless bullied into it.]

audio; private

[heroooic]

[Finn wasn't accustomed to sending private messages over the network -- indeed, it takes him a few seconds to figure out how to do it -- but he makes an exception in this case. The last thing he wanted was to embarrass Professor Mikotoba in front of everyone!]

Psst, hey, Professor? You forgot the questionnaire.

audio;

[groupiedrifter]

Thanks, bro.

[He slaps the table he's at urgently with his hand (which is still in a cast, go figure).]

Now, questionnaire answers!

Chop-chop!

text | un: kokonose

[asymbiotic]

[does he want to interact with this post? no. does he have to interact with this post? apparently.]

Happy Birthday.

What's the survey for?

text

[groupiedrifter]

Thanks, dude! I feel awesomely alive! 🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘

And the survey is a time-honored tradition, it's a requirement of the orbers.
A way to get to know one another, of course!

[AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM GETTING DIRT ON PEOPLE FOR THE BIMONTHLY MOVIE NIGHTS...]

text; un: raddude5000

[heroooic]

[The birthday song was a freakin' bop. Finn wasn't really one for lute music, but clearly Newt had shredding abilities that superseded the lute's inherent lameness. Finn was quite happily bopping along until he got to the name Jun Shortaxe, bopping slowing immediately to a muted sway.

If it wasn't Newt's birthday, Finn may have allowed his pouting to leak into his response. But seeing as it was, well. He swallows it, for now.]

Happy birthday, Newt! Where'd you learn to play that thing?? you're really good. we should totally jam sometime.

OH, and thanks for scoring all this juicy info. Tho kinda weird the orb's been here so long, right? i thought they made stuff go scronched-up right away. maybe i gotta reread the old mission files again. they're so long haha...

OH, and here's my survey! thanks for organizing this stuff. are you like, the xim morale officer or something?

[And then, filled out in complete earnestness...]

NAME: Finn Mertens
DATE OF BIRTH: march 14th
FAVORITE MOVIES: HEAT SIGNATURE!!!
FAVORITE FOODS: meatloaf is my numba one fave all day long, but lots of foods are pretty good. pretty much anything breakfast-y rules. oh, and apple pie!
FAVORITE MUSIC: vampire music!!

What’s your claim to fame?
well, back home, i'm like... a pretty famous hero (not to brag or whatever). Here, probably the potato thing?

How do you like to spend your free time?
sword training, dungeon diving, video games, and uh sleeping i guess.

What skill would you like to master?
i'm pretty good at the sword but i'm not a master. my old teacher back home told me my technique was total butt. he said it'd take me ten years to master it if i practiced every day, and that was like a year ago so... nine more to go, right?

What is your proudest accomplishment?
i guess i've saved the world a couple times, but... me and my ex girlfriend becoming friends after everything that happened between us, that was really hard for me and took forever, so. yeah, that one.

What is your biggest pet peeve?
ugh, people who WON'T stop talking about themselves (this survey doesn't count, right?)

What is the most useless talent you have?
i swallowed a little computer when I was 11 and now I can make my voice go all technological when i want it to

If you had a warning label, what would yours say?
I can't get my head around this one, man. maybe CAUTION: MAY CONTAIN TRACE AMOUNTS OF LEAD?

y'know, 'cuz the arm? i think it's made of aluminum, but... still funny!

Are you a cat or a dog person?
DOG!!! But cats are cool too

Do you sing in the shower?
who doesn't?

If you only had 5 minutes in a grocery store, what would you buy?
boiled eggs, probably. you can fit a BUNCH of them in a shopping bag.

Which body part do you wish you could detach and why?
my legs maybe? i feel like bionic legs would come in crazy handy.

If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
Finn Campbell, maybe... I dunno. This one's kinda hard to answer.

If police arrested you with no explanation, what would your friends assume you had done?
they'd assume someone framed me!!! or... i guess destruction of property? that happens sometimes.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
not right now, but i'll keep working at it!

[locumstudentesquire]

Definitely the potato thing.

audio, un: al'thor

[dragonmount]

Happy birthday, Newt. And, thank you for the information. Did she mention anything about Ellia Roundtree, by chance?

audio; private

[heroooic]

[SIGH. What is with all his friends and forgetting the survey?? Finn still doesn't want to embarrass anyone, so he switches to private... but Rand's already on thin ice.]

Dude, the questionnaire!

[Newt said it was REQUIRED, can't you read buddy??]

text; un: harrington

[spikedbats]

[ Look, birthdays are a sore subject, okay? At least when it comes to his own. But he'll still celebrate everyone else's. ]

Hey, happy birthday man! I don't know about cake, but there's got to be something around here that's...cake...like?

[ He also had no intention of filling out the damn questionnaire, but as it turns out, he is easily bullied. ]

NAME: Steve Harrington
DATE OF BIRTH: 12/26/1966
FAVORITE MOVIES: Please don't make me fill this out it was hard enough coming up with any for my job interview
FAVORITE FOODS: Grilled cheese, pizza, anything you can order at a diner
FAVORITE MUSIC: Whatever was on the radio. I guess that's pop music? Rock is kind of growing on me, though.

What’s your claim to fame? Back home it was my hair. Yeah, yeah, shut up.

How do you like to spend your free time? Working out, I guess? To be honest I never really had much in the way of free time before, I guess I can add reading to that list now.

What skill would you like to master? I don't know, maybe how to actually win a fight for once?

What is your proudest accomplishment? As much as I hated working there, landing my job at this ice cream place back home. I think it was the first time I got something myself, not my parents getting it for me. It's stupid, I know.

What is your biggest pet peeve? When people have an entire conversation right in front of you knowing fully well you're not following a single thing that's being said.

What is the most useless talent you have? I...can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue?

If you had a warning label, what would yours say? This is going to hurt.

Are you a cat or a dog person? Can I be both?

Do you sing in the shower? In a safe place where I can't be bullied about my singing voice? You bet.

If you only had 5 minutes in a grocery store, what would you buy? Milk and a box of lucky charms, maybe some cheeto's.

Which body part do you wish you could detach and why? I...what...?

If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Eddie [ maybe...don't read into that too much. ]

If police arrested you with no explanation, what would your friends assume you had done? Got into a fight. You should've seen the other guy.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Wouldn't you like to know?

action;

[heroooic]

Did you post it yet, birthday-faker?

[Is he watching Steve like a hawk? You know it. They hadn't been rooming together as much as they did on the Ximilia, but Newt's birthday just happened to fall on a day where Finn was able to be an overbearing little brother about the whole thing. Thank Glob.]

Text: un Wei Wuxian

[singlelogbridge]

Happy birthday, Newt. Please try not to get stabbed on this mission. [And yeah he's also going to be ignoring everything else happening here.]

Text. 1/2

[groupiedrifter]

Oh, come on!

Just because a guy gets stabbed on RARE OCCASION doesn't mean you have to worry about it here!

[he's literally in an arm cast right now you are RIGHT and do not listen to him]

Audio; un: Naruhodo

[locumstudentesquire]

Do you also light the cake on fire to celebrate? I remember when I first learned of that tradition... When people kept insisting that it was normal practice and not some bizarre method of devil worship, I thought for sure they were trying to pull some sort of elaborate prank on me.

Audio;

[groupiedrifter]

We totally light fires on cakes to celebrate, and it's badass.

If it's devil worship, then it's the most fun devil worship I've ever been a part of!

[🥴🤘]

Where's your questionnaire, bud?

text | un: asogi

[karumic]

Required by what authority?

text

[groupiedrifter]

By the authority of the BIRTHDAY BOY.

text. un: Aleksander

[cruelyethuman]

This again, Newton?

NAME: Aleksander
DATE OF BIRTH: I have no idea
FAVORITE MOVIES: I don't have a favorite one
FAVORITE FOODS: Peaches
FAVORITE MUSIC: Nothing you would know.

What’s your claim to fame?
My grandfather was a saint.

How do you like to spend your free time?
In quiet.

What skill would you like to master?
I know every skill I need to.

What is your proudest accomplishment?
I won a war all on my own once.

What is your biggest pet peeve?
Cowards.

What is the most useless talent you have?
None of my talents are useless.

If you had a warning label, what would yours say?
Danger

Are you a cat or a dog person?
Neither

Do you sing in the shower?
I take baths, not showers.

Which body part do you wish you could detach and why?
I like all of my body parts.

If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
I've changed it too often to find this question amusing.

If police arrested you with no explanation, what would your friends assume you had done?
Murder.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No.


You've changed some of the questions, it's almost as if you don't care which way we prefer to hang the toilet paper.

[deaddrop]

What, are you telling me I didn't have to tell him whether or not I'd ever fallen asleep in class?

text; un: naruhodo (a while after his first reply)

[locumstudentesquire]

NAME: Ryunosuke Naruhodo
DATE OF BIRTH: July 18th, 1877.
FAVORITE MOVIES: I've never seen any. Sorry. 😥
FAVORITE FOODS: Really, I'll try just about anything, as long as onions aren't the main attraction of the dish. But my favorites are probably... Hot pot. Yaki imo. Hanami dango, chocolate... Onigiri-- bonito is the superior filling, but you also can't go wrong with a nice umeboshi, in my opinion... Tuna sashimi. Bacon? Um...
[This list has grown long.]
...I could keep going. I just really enjoy food, generally!
FAVORITE MUSIC: I actually don't know terribly much about music, I'm afraid. What would you call the sort of music that accompanies vaudeville acts...? It would probably be that, I suppose.

What’s your claim to fame?
I won my university's public speaking competition in my first year. I suppose that earned me a bit of acclaim.

How do you like to spend your free time?
Doing shogi puzzles and practicing tongue twisters. And... My guilty pleasure is reading magazines about unexplained phenomena.

What skill would you like to master? 
I would love to master Kyūdō some day. I'm very much out of practice at the moment, though 😖

What is your proudest accomplishment? 
I'd rather pass on this question, if that's alright.

What is your biggest pet peeve?
Perjury.

What is the most useless talent you have? 
Kazuma will tell you it's the tongue twister thing, but I think he's just cross because he can't do them himself.

If you had a warning label, what would yours say?
I... Have no idea how to answer this.

Are you a cat or a dog person?
I like them both, but I do find cats particularly charming... And a cat has never given me a concussion before.
More importantly, where is the option for those of us who enjoy keeping prawns as pets? 🦐

Do you sing in the shower?
I prefer baths, but knowing you can do this is a compelling argument for taking more showers instead.

If you only had 5 minutes in a grocery store, what would you buy?
Do I have unlimited money in this scenario? I would go for the sweets and liquor. As much as I could carry.

Which body part do you wish you could detach and why?
I don't know why I would want to detach any of them???

If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
I don't really have any interest in changing my name.

If police arrested you with no explanation, what would your friends assume you had done?
Probably that I'd gone and gotten myself wrongly accused of murder again... It wouldn't be the first time. Or the second.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
Apparently yes!

Text.

[groupiedrifter]

Oh my god, how is it almost all of our new orbers haven't seen a movie??? How are you ALL from ye olden times...?

But prawns as pets IS awesome. 😲!!!!
I've had freshwater shrimp as pets before! Cute little fellas, and super colorful!
I had an Ember Tetra named the Hamburgular who had a TORRID cross-species love affair with a shrimp named Darmstadtium. It was really cute.

text; un: tinuviel

[edraith]

Congratulations, on the day of your birth!

I do not quite understand how this questionnaire is relevant, but if it makes you happy, I am happy to fill it.

NAME: Lúthien
DATE OF BIRTH: 1200, Years of the Trees
FAVORITE MOVIES: I'm sorry, what is a movie?
FAVORITE FOODS: Anything that is served in my home of Doriath.
FAVORITE MUSIC: The flute played by my friend Daeron.

What’s your claim to fame?
My singing?

How do you like to spend your free time?
Dancing.

What skill would you like to master?
Oh, there are so many! I wish I was better at archery, and cooking, and that I knew more about all the new things that seem to be commonplace for many here...

What is your proudest accomplishment?
Deceiving the Dark Lord Morgoth and stealing a Silmaril from his crown.

What is your biggest pet peeve?
I do not have pets, nor peeves.

What is the most useless talent you have?
I believe all talents are useful, the right time for them may simply not have come yet.

If you had a warning label, what would yours say?
"Warning"? Is that not what all warning labels should say?

Are you a cat or a dog person?
Dog! I wish you could all have met Huan. He was the bravest of souls.

Do you sing in the shower?
I sing everywhere.

If you only had 5 minutes in a grocery store, what would you buy?
What is a grocery store? What does it store?

Which body part do you wish you could detach and why?
My heart.

If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
I have been given two names in my life, I need not a third.

If police arrested you with no explanation, what would your friends assume you had done?
What is a police? These questions are most perplexing.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
I have never tried. Is that not... a little silly?

text;

[groupiedrifter]

[Oh my goooood an old soul, SHE'S CLEARLY IN HER ELEMENT ON THIS PLANET.

Stay cool, Newt, don't sound stupid-]

'Lúthien' is such a badass name
I mean!!! A cool name!

A beautiful name. ✨

I love singing, too. And playing, I've been in a coupla bands, especially through these missions. I was even a piano player for a mafia gang before their rival crew almost set me on fire... Long story! But I would love to hear you sing. :O

[lest]

〈 helen, illiterate, as soon as a voice, reminiscent of this "newt" but subtly wrong, begins to dictate the contents—

〉

[groupiedrifter]

[Can't believe you'd use Peppa against me like this on the day of my birth.]

audio; un nightmoves

[ruinously]

Again?

NAME: Dean Winchester James Hetfield
DATE OF BIRTH: January 24
FAVORITE MOVIES: Demolition Man, any Kaiju movie, spaghetti westerns
FAVORITE FOODS: liquor and cheeseburgers
FAVORITE MUSIC: classic rock

What’s your claim to fame? i stopped the apocalypse

How do you like to spend your free time? listening to zeppelin and reading

What skill would you like to master? no clue

What is your proudest accomplishment? gonna have to go with the apocalypse again, but i also raised my brother so there's that

What is your biggest pet peeve? things like this

What is the most useless talent you have? I am genetically unable to get brain freeze. I can chug an entire slushy without consequence.

If you had a warning label, what would yours say? 'he bites'

Are you a cat or a dog person? cat

Do you sing in the shower? yes

If you only had 5 minutes in a grocery store, what would you buy? cheese puffs and beer

Which body part do you wish you could detach and why? ???? wtf none

If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? no

If police arrested you with no explanation, what would your friends assume you had done? barfight

Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no

audio;

[groupiedrifter]

Hey, it's got totally new questions for variety! C'mon.

You and me, buddy, we're the Godzilla aficionados.

... Bar fight aficionados, too, but I'm pretty sure you win them more than me.