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audio | un: WHEATLEY
[Hello friends it’s WHEATLEY TIME. Do you know what that is? No? You are about to find out. If you haven’t met Wheatley, perhaps this cheerful British voice is new to you. If you have, well. Hello. It’s the metal soccer ball guy.]
GREETINGS, hi, this is a—this is Wheatley, actually. If we’ve met. If we haven’t met, I’m the—the robot guy. Thought I’d pop on the network, say hello, introduce myself, see how everyone’s doing, after—after all that.
The mission, right? That was, uh, well, that was something. An eye-opener, if you will. Sort of got me thinking, you know, about—about being a little more prepared. For the next one. [Cough.] Not any of you, obviously, you were all brilliant. I was thinking more about…increasing my own…ability. In that department.
[Tell us you’re useless without telling us you’re useless, Wheatley.]
Fun fact! The hovering is new, for me. Wasn’t able to do that, back home, and it’s been enlightening, to say the least. Moving about without a management rail! Can you imagine? Got me thinking—I know, generally speaking, that you humans are a bit squishy. Easily damaged, prone to leaking all your blood out through a couple of bullet holes. But! You do have thumbs, which I’m starting to think might be advantageous, for someone like me. Given the situations we’re bound to find ourselves in, on these missions.
I was able to fight a monster with just my, uh. Person. That is, my body, but it did involve a lot of bashing myself into it, which, while successful, is not something I’d care to make a habit of. Putting that out there. I am breakable, and it seems much more, ah, straightforward…to just throw a punch the next time I need to defend myself. Or. Hold and shoot a gun. Maybe a bladed implement, or a thermal discouragement beam. I’m not picky.
So that’s where I’m going with all this. Limbs. Thinking at least two arms and two legs, but, again, not picky. Thumbs, as discussed, preferably opposable. Surely there are a few mechanically-minded individuals here who might like a medium-term project. I don’t have much to offer, um, insofar as payment is concerned, but I’m sure we can work something out.
Besides, it should be easy! I’m designed to interface with—with all kinds of things, so we can throw it together from scrap metal and plug me into it, for all I care.
[That’s it! Thanks everybody no wait there’s more]
Also, if none of that made any sense to you at all, I’m happy to stick around. And. Answer questions. About robots, because that's what I am. Just in case you were wondering.
GREETINGS, hi, this is a—this is Wheatley, actually. If we’ve met. If we haven’t met, I’m the—the robot guy. Thought I’d pop on the network, say hello, introduce myself, see how everyone’s doing, after—after all that.
The mission, right? That was, uh, well, that was something. An eye-opener, if you will. Sort of got me thinking, you know, about—about being a little more prepared. For the next one. [Cough.] Not any of you, obviously, you were all brilliant. I was thinking more about…increasing my own…ability. In that department.
[Tell us you’re useless without telling us you’re useless, Wheatley.]
Fun fact! The hovering is new, for me. Wasn’t able to do that, back home, and it’s been enlightening, to say the least. Moving about without a management rail! Can you imagine? Got me thinking—I know, generally speaking, that you humans are a bit squishy. Easily damaged, prone to leaking all your blood out through a couple of bullet holes. But! You do have thumbs, which I’m starting to think might be advantageous, for someone like me. Given the situations we’re bound to find ourselves in, on these missions.
I was able to fight a monster with just my, uh. Person. That is, my body, but it did involve a lot of bashing myself into it, which, while successful, is not something I’d care to make a habit of. Putting that out there. I am breakable, and it seems much more, ah, straightforward…to just throw a punch the next time I need to defend myself. Or. Hold and shoot a gun. Maybe a bladed implement, or a thermal discouragement beam. I’m not picky.
So that’s where I’m going with all this. Limbs. Thinking at least two arms and two legs, but, again, not picky. Thumbs, as discussed, preferably opposable. Surely there are a few mechanically-minded individuals here who might like a medium-term project. I don’t have much to offer, um, insofar as payment is concerned, but I’m sure we can work something out.
Besides, it should be easy! I’m designed to interface with—with all kinds of things, so we can throw it together from scrap metal and plug me into it, for all I care.
[That’s it! Thanks everybody no wait there’s more]
Also, if none of that made any sense to you at all, I’m happy to stick around. And. Answer questions. About robots, because that's what I am. Just in case you were wondering.
audio; un: laozu
[ he's learned air quotes! air quotes are great ]
means.
no subject
[you are doomed]
Well, um. I'm not human, for one. I'm sort of--I'm made out of metal, and some other things. I was built by humans, and they gave me, uh. A set of protocols. For talking, and moving, and generally being my own not-human person.
Is any of this making sense to you?
no subject
So they built you and gave you rules to follow, that part makes sense. But that doesn't explain all of it, does it? You're not a spirit trapped in a box, I mean.
[ yes let's get all existential. is he being unintentionally rude about it? maybe ]
Are you a result of the rules they gave? Did they tell you how to be you? Who's telling you that now?
no subject
[this is, possibly, rude! but Wheatley is going to try and be nice about it.]
Well the rules are--they're just to start me off, you know? It's not like it's something I think about.
no subject
once] they can be put back into their bodies.But that's not what you are. Please forgive this fool, I have a lot of catching up to do.
[ if only he'd been born a couple thousand years later ]
no subject
[That's silly! Ghosts aren't real.]
I think you're getting it, though. Certainly better than a lot of people.
no subject
no subject
It's yes to both, by the way.
no subject
Ahhh, yes of course! Are there others like you? Back from wherever you come from? Or are you the only one?
no subject