Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

text; UN: Wei Wuxian

[singlelogbridge]

[It's been a while since he's Caused Problems on Purpose and the man whose name he absolutely didn't pay attention to has left himself wide open, so...]

it's the first assignment for students in Newt's class. It's a mandatory class for new arrivals. Thankfully, you have a full week before the first test!

[zune]

you're kidding right?

this is a joke?

i mean i guess it explains that last question but

hold on, no one told me about this!!

[groupiedrifter]

What, do I not look teacherly enough for you?
That's stereotyping!

[yes newt is in on this immediately]

[zune]

[ his first day here and his life is already suffering ]

oh come on man

did a teacher just bribe me into taking a survey??? with candy???

[groupiedrifter]

Isn't that how all teachers get their students to focus on their work?
You gotta give incentive! Works like a charm at any age!

[zune]

man i don't know

my teachers pretty much had sticks up their butts


but it worked all right

i fell right into that sweet sweet sour gummy trap

[groupiedrifter]

1000% worked.

And I'm not one of those kinds of teachers, those kind suck ass.
I used to teach MIT classes back in my late teens and 20's and it was a ton of fun. Always had a bigass jar of candy! Everyone loves getting Toostie(TM) Fruit Chews thrown at their heads.

Education is useless if people aren't interested in what they're learning anyway.

[zune]

i mean i pretty much stopped going to school after like grade 3

you'd think that was the peak time to bribe kids with candy

i know i would have paid more attention if i had a tootsie pop thrown at me for getting an answer right

text ↪ un: gamora

[godslain]

What is a Tootsie Pop?

[zune]

really tasty chocolate flavoured lollipops

probably also bad for you but what isn't?

[ ... gonna ask this viveca person for basically an entire candy aisle at this rate

also hi gamora ]

[singlelogbridge]

It's because you need a beard. All of my teachers at home had beards.

[groupiedrifter]

What kind of beard are we talking? Because my beards grow in looking like a big ball of hair that rolled under the furniture. It's a character flaw of mine.

[singlelogbridge]

on second thought, please never grow a beard

[groupiedrifter]

If we end up stranded on an deserted island next mission, no guarantees.

[singlelogbridge]

don't worry, I always have some kind of blade on me

[Is...is this a threat? He's been spending too much time with Itachi.]

[groupiedrifter]

... Little nervous about your credentials as a barber or any kind of hair stylist, actually.

[singlelogbridge]

How hard can it be?

[singlelogbridge]

don't worry, most of Newt's curriculum is really easy as long as you study. I'm sure someone can lend you their notes. I'd lend you mind, but I didn't pass the first time around so I don't think they'd be very helpful.

[zune]

we gotta take notes???

[ is undoing his regret really worth this ]

ah, jeez

this was not mentioned in the dream

[singlelogbridge]

[Okay, he's probably taken this far enough before it becomes mean. It was absolutely worth it though.]

I'm just kidding. There are no classes or tests, though there is a very nice tall metal man who will be happy to assign you homework if you really want it. [Shout out to Minimus.]

[zune]

[ this really is like school!!! getting bullied on his first day, the hazing ... ]

i'm so relieved i can't even be mad right now

but that's a big no thanks to homework!

not even from tall metal men

[ ... which, wtf ]

[singlelogbridge]

[He might feel a little bad if he wasn't laughing so hard.]

Aha, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist! I hope you'll forgive me friend. Welcome aboard the Ximilia. You can call me Wei Wuxian.

[zune]

man, you really had me going there wei wuxian!

i'm still catching my breath

[ he used to wonder what it'd be like to go back to a normal school and be a normal kid.

guess this answers it for him. ]

but thanks

i'm peter quill though i guess you probably saw that from the survey anyway

[singlelogbridge]

[Huh. That name sounds familiar.
















Wait.]

No I

I missed that actually.

[Does he have to tell him? Has someone else already told him???]

[zune]

and i mean

star-lord is also a totally cool thing to call me too

[ #completely oblivious ]