Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

[swordandshield]

Wait- is there a distinction between an android and a robot that I'm unaware of?

[a2brutus]

Yeah. There is. Doesn't matter, don't call me a robot.

[swordandshield]

Fair enough. You're about as sassy as the ones back where I'm from though, just saying.

You gonna answer those other questions, A2?

[a2brutus]

No.

[swordandshield]

Even if I re-ask nicely?

[a2brutus]

No.

[swordandshield]

Well okay then.

[There's just a long enough pause to think he's given up. Then:]

But how am I to know if you're a reliable form of back-up in a fight if you won't be more specific?

[a2brutus]

I'm not back up. I'm the problem solver.

[swordandshield]

Well can you solve a problem involving a non-human species of organic origin then? For future reference.

[a2brutus]

Do you need everything spelled out for you?

[swordandshield]

No, just the important parts.

[a2brutus]

I can kill anyone who isn't human.

There. There's the answer you couldn't figure out when I said the only people I can't harm are humans.

[swordandshield]

Just checking. Would hate to send you to clean up a problem that you can't fix.

People like me, well, they don't have that pesky little issue to get in the way. So, call me if you need help with something you can't handle, sweetie.

[a2brutus]

Call me sweetie again and I'll make sure that "Pesky" problem I have isn't a problem anymore.

It's there for your safety. Not mine.

[swordandshield]

You got it, A2.

[Is he smiling behind this text? Yes, yes he is.]

text; UN: Wei Wuxian

[singlelogbridge]

[Mostly because he saw all of that and she's his new hero]

If you don't want to break your streak, feel free to send him my way.

text; un: A2

[a2brutus]

Sounds like someone is a known asshole.

[singlelogbridge]

that's one way of putting it. I don't think he has many friends aboard the Ximilia. Can't imagine why not with that pleasant attitude of his, hmm?

I'm Wei Wuxian. I don't believe we've met before.

[a2brutus]

Can't imagine. If he starts shit with me I will shove my metal fist so far up his ass he'll be spitting bolts.

A2, obviously.

[singlelogbridge]

It's nice to make your acquaintance, Miss A2. [A different sort of name than he's used to, but not too different from some others he's heard.]

And don't worry about it, he's all talk unless you're a child.

[a2brutus]

Just A2 is fine. I'm not human, I don't need that sort of stuff.

What do you mean unless you're a child?

[Danger bells are going off.]

[singlelogbridge]

Just A2 then. [He doesn't mind whether she's human or not, but he'll nearly always default to an Orber's preference.]

I mean he harmed one of the youngest members of the crew. Ostensibly they were training, but as a combat and sparing instructor myself, I'll admit none of my trainings ever landed my students unconscious in the infirmary.

But it's been dealt with. He knows what'll happen to him if he even looks at one of the younger members of our crew again. Although now I'm thinking I might just hand him over to you.

[a2brutus]

If someone is getting their trainee landed in an infirmary, their trainer is doing a shit job and should be fired. But then again, the impression I got from our conversation was that he wasn't particularly intelligent.

Don't worry. I know how to beat someone within an inch of their life. I'd be more than happy to help.

[singlelogbridge]

[That gets a loud laugh out of him. He definitely likes her.]

Your impression is spot on.

And I'm going to keep that in mind. Also remind me never to get on your bad side.

[a2brutus]

Just don't call me a machine or a robot, and you'll probably be fine. You seem smart enough to not try my patience.