Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

[ravkas]

touching.

[ tom badgerlock is a liar. perhaps even as large a one as nikolai himself. he is equal parts foolish and perceptive, hiding a name and an identity behind a solid wall of muscle and malaise. no king would offer a nobody a coveted spot so close to the throne — well, no king but nikolai, but that's neither here nor there — and therefore tom is somebody. ]

that's not good enough. not by a long shot. although my favorite horse is a piebald pony with crooked ears called punchline. you'd probably crush him if you tried to sit on him.
do you believe in his worth? your king's. not punchline. i already know punchline's worth, and it's far more than you and i combined.
do you believe in anything at all?

[buckkeep]

( piebald, he says, and it seems a little too on the nose to be entirely coincidental. )

Punchline is a terrible name.
And of course I do. I believe in many things, and my king numbers among them. He's young, and still a prince yet, but he's shown backbone far grander than men thrice his age. He fights for the little man. He listens.
If that isn't good enough, you've little idea what it is the common folk desire in a monarch.

[ravkas]

punchline is a terrific name, tom badgerjest.

maybe i need you by my side after all. so you can tell me how to fight for the little man.
maybe i should put you on the throne.

[buckkeep]

It's Badgerlock. You know that it's Badgerlock.

You'd have better luck talking to Prince Dutiful about such things. Sir. I know little more than how to swing an axe and tend the horses.
In any case, I don't think you should joke about such things.

[ravkas]

i think we both know it's not.

oh, i can't stand princes. they're insufferable. i should know. although you seem quite taken with yours, despite your knowing only two things.
life is so tedious without laughter, and the throne is certainly a laughing matter. do you really believe that royal blood makes an arse suitable to sit on one? i've read all about the history of my lineage, and i can count on one hand the number of lantsov men who maybe deserved to warm the seat.
i can't say i'm deserving either, but each day is an opportunity to endeavor to earn it.

[buckkeep]

( well!!!!!!!!! )

What difference does it make?

How can you even say that? It isn't a laughing matter. There's nothing more important than who rules the realm.
Maybe that is the case for your lineage, but it's far from the truth of the Farseers. They've all earned it. They've all been worthy. It's in their blood.

( and the very least, verity and dutiful were worthy. fitz? he doesn't include himself as a farseer. anyway, it's not like he could rule. if nikolai knew how cruel the offer was, he probably wouldn't have teased it — but then again, maybe he would've. from what little he knows of nikolai lantsov, it seems as though there's no line too cemented in stone to cross. )

[ravkas]

none. i'm the sort of man that loves to be lied to.

come now. there's nothing more important? don't be ridiculous. i hardly think i'm the most important man in ravka — the most handsome, yes, certainly — and as devoted as you are to your prince, he's not the most important man in your kingdom, either. the little man is. collectively.
how convenient for the farseers that they're born with such righteous dispositions. speaking of that — farseer? oh.

oh.

[ there's a long pause. he hasn't forgotten the fffffffffflub from their initial meeting. of course tom would have a place in the king's court if — ]

well, i can certainly see why you lied now.
badgerlock is such an awful name, though. it makes me want to eat a badger.

[buckkeep]

( so, he's underestimated nikolai. that's fine. it doesn't matter. in his experience the court of closely kept individuals do more of the thinking than the king himself but that — that is clearly not the case, here. nikolai is smart, which means he's utterly dangerous. )

I am not a liar. I am Tom Badgerlock. Named by my mother.

( i have a mother, of course. one who did not give me up. one who loved me enough to give me a name.

when he was a boy, his father's wife used to call him tom. as in, tom cat. the little stray. silly, he should cling to that name now. )

The little man is only as important as the king allows him to be. The little man is only as righteous as the worst of its ranks.

[ravkas]

[ he wonders, in another life where his mother was brave enough to leave his father and run away with a fjerdan shipping magnate, what his name might have been. ]

it's a pleasure to meet you, tom badgerlock.

i hope your prince didn't feed you that rubbish. in any case, my country is doomed because i'm the least righteous of them all. but then so are you.

[buckkeep]

( through gritted teeth — ) The pleasure is mine, Nikolai Lantsov.

Is that self-pity, or are you attempting to be funny again? You don't have the knowledge to make such claims about me.

[ravkas]

[ (─‿‿─) ]

don't i? you attacked me in broad daylight while i was peacefully enjoying my solitude. those aren't the actions of a righteous man. now that i know i can't trust a word you say, i might be inclined to believe you knew i was a king all along.
but no matter. i'll call on you for a favor when i need you, and trust that you'll be handsomely rewarded.

[buckkeep]

( after a too long wait, )

Do you really have a piebald pony, or did you say it to get a rise out of me?

[ravkas]

why would a piebald pony get a rise out of you?
punchline is very real. i'm always being told to ride something more regal but he has the steady disposition of a lump of rock and there aren't many reliable things in my life right now.

[buckkeep]

It wouldn't.

( it's better for nikolai to think that, at least, and fitz has already been obvious enough with the truth of himself to stop shearing off more and more layers. the truth? the piebalds are political radicals in the six duchies who seek revenge for the unfairly murdered witted ones. fitz might've joined them, if their attitude wasn't so if you aren't with us, you're against us, and if they didn't turn their pitchforks on their fellow man if a witted one refused the join the cause.

the piebald prince was an ancient ancestor of the farseer line, detailing the taint of wit magic within the royal bloodline. this was proven, when an idiot of a bastard let himself be found out as witted and thus murdered for it by stones and beatings. so — then. the real piebald prince is chivalry's bastard, fitzchivalry farseer, the man who was killed by the crown for the ugliness of his magic. an important historical figure, on the wrong side of history. )

You're smart not to bother with the sight of regality. Looks only get you so far, and not very far, at that. A steed that is loyal to you is far more important when the raiders come.
Til you need me, King Nikolai.