text ↪ un: torontonian

[hallowing]

important q


if u were a dnd character


what class would u be



if u dont know wat dnd is (wow sorry for ur life) a class will be assigned for u randomly. no i dont make the rules.

Comments

[hallowing]

U GOT TO BE HALF DRAGON???


im changing my regret. my new one is gonna be that i missed this fucking mission

[groupiedrifter]

Man, RIP. I'm so sorry, my man.

I'd ask for us to get sent to another world like it, but unfortunately the orb's the one that dictates where we go. Otherwise I'd have put in for a vacation planet missions ago, yanno?

[hallowing]

i mean i just got here but im all for it


gimme a beach and those little umbrella drinks man

ill bask with the best of 'em

[groupiedrifter]

As soon as I'm allowed to leave my room, we'll have to just plan some kind of simulation room beach trip or something. It's not the most ideal but we've done it before. Plus, I can watch everyone else play some volleyball while I lounge. Nothing'll beat that.

[hallowing]

excuse me, small lizard. one does not simply watch volleyball.

[groupiedrifter]

I have the durability and cardio of a ten year old chihuahua, dude.

[hallowing]

we can use u as the ball

[groupiedrifter]

Uncalled for, I'm getting flashbacks of being used as the beach ball at music festivals and college.

Besides, you don't wanna bruise this bad boy, he's the one who makes the cool tech when we're about to die on missions.

[hallowing]

so would u say ur a




(PAUSE FOR EFFECT)




deux ex newtina?

[groupiedrifter]

Shit, that's pretty good.
But also yes, that's me. One time I helped cure everyone from turning into big gnarly monsters, yknow.
Which for the record, I LOVE monster people, 10/10 would smooch 'em, but it's a little more serious when you get sick and turn into one against your will.

[hallowing]

oh yea

no bueno noncon monstering, man. that's not what im here for.

[groupiedrifter]

EXACTLY.
My time in the crew has been 100% consensual monster romances, we are a positive place for mutually beneficial hot and heavy time. Wait, what were we talking about? Right, monstering. Awful crap to see, but it got fixed — that was our first mission, actually. Feels like it's been an eternity ago.

[I AM AN OLD XIMILIA SOUL...]

[hallowing]

my god did i actually just meet someone hornier than me

[groupiedrifter]

I've been known to bang a few alien fishpeople* in my time.

*For the record, I was a fishperson too, so it totally wasn't WEIRD.

[hallowing]

coward

shape of water was a masterpiece for THIS REASON

[groupiedrifter]

Like, I was trying not to come off as IMMEDIATELY weird to the new blood, but since you've made yourself very transparent: I would absolutely have gotten hot and heavy with the fishpeople as a human, too.

BUT I WAS THAT FISHMAN.
Practically! I was super HOT, dude, trust me.
I miss being a lean mean swimming machine sometimes.
... The raw meat diet, not so much.
GOD I had the coolest spinous and soft dorsal spine.

[hallowing]

im so transparent im basically a scifi aluminum. u'n'me: 🤝 certified monsterfucking.

and hey wow i know u aren't dissing the raw meat diet

p sure gwynnie paltrow swears by it or smth these days

u eat it by the dulcet light of a vagina candle

[groupiedrifter]

GOD, I would love to dissect that candle under a microscope; I wanna figure out the secret ingredients and then sell bootleg vagina candles. I love a vagina as much as the next mess, but our world was literally on the brink of complete destruction by aliens, and she was selling candles based on her orgasms.

[hallowing]

hold up, what's this abt aliens?

[groupiedrifter]

Yeeeep, aliens.
This place isn't my first brush with them. My planet was being attacked by murderous aliens who cloned giant monsters and sent them through a portal to try and destroy humanity. Luckily we had giant robots to fight them back -- really COOL robots. And of course, really smart scientists who helped improve them and the success rate of their attacks.

(Me, I was one of the really smart scientists.)