text / audio | un: newt

[groupiedrifter]

Alright, let's not be total wallflowers at prom here, if we're going to be stuck together for the foreseeable future, I think it's only right that we (read: I) start getting to know all of my fellow space cadets. If we're ACTUALLY in space and this isn't some humongous simulation. You guys saw how easy it was for this place to manufacture a hyper-realistic simulation earlier, right? Yikes, big yikes.

But if we ARE in space and we're going to be traveling around, that's actually kind of AWESOME.

No offense to anyone who didn't want to actually be here of course, but you're nuts if you're not a LITTLE curious about the vast expanse of outer space. C'mon. OUTER SPACE! How incredible is that? And here I thought me coming face to face with aliens back home was INCREDIBLE, now we've got ACTUAL OUTER SPACE??? Pinch me I'm in a simulation. LOL.

Sorry I'm rambling, my name's Newt. Dr. Newton Geiszler, but but that sounds so much more boring and overcomplicated than 'Newt', so just stick with that. Worked as a xenobiologist on earth (is there multiple earths or what??? a lot of you are crazy unfamiliar with Kaiju, which is wild to me), helped giant robots fight aliens, the usual. Likes are rock music, playing instruments, tattoos, science and tech, dislikes are bossy pushovers who complain about those things.

Speaking of which, my really good pal from home's name is Hermann Gottlieb, and you should call him Herm to make him REALLY feel at home. :)

It's nice to meet you guys on the NEWTwork. ;P

... Actually—

[Suddenly, the text turns into audio, in which a higher voice with some focal fry bleeds in-]

—can I just abruptly switch to an audio function?

[A pause, and then an excitable:]

Holy shit, how awesome is that?! This is amazing; we've made some pretty monumental gains in technology back home, but we're still working on finessing the finer aspects of neuralogically connecting to networks like these for the general population. I'd love to take one of these apart sometime and see what makes them tick. Good to have an idea of what to expect, in case we need modifications or repairs done at any point.

Anyway. Uh. Hey!

... This whole voices-in-your-head thing can't be good for my train of thought, but geronimo, right?

[If anyone listens beyond that, they may catch the accidental thought-to-audio that follows:]

Wha — oh, dammit.

I sure hope this is the last nosebleed, because I would rather not worry about having accidental brain damage from drifting with aliens.

Comments

[testgasm]

No, no, that's--that's fine to ask. I'm sure things will make a bit more sense if and when we meet in person, but I'm sort of, uh. A sphere? Maybe a little bigger than one of your human footballs.

[Meaning a soccer ball, of course.]

[groupiedrifter]

A sphere. The size of a football.

... Oh, man, no offense, but I'm so happy to be taller than someone else around here.

[testgasm]

Maybe a little bigger. Than a football. But, yes. Probably shorter than you either way, not that it really matters. In the--in the grand scheme of things.

[groupiedrifter]

It toootally matters in the grand scheme of things.

Is the world you're from pretty full of robots, or are you pretty unique to your universe?

[testgasm]

Oh, no, there are lots of us. Not many humans at all, if I'm honest.

[They are dead]

[groupiedrifter]

Uuuuh.

Did they all croak? Someone had to have built you guys, right?

[testgasm]

Sure, they built us, and then they were around for a while, and then--then they died. Not all of them! Some were in, uh. Cryo-suspension. Perfectly fine.

[They died too!]

[groupiedrifter]

Right, okay, sure.

... Don't tell me robots murdered them all or something. I mean, I figure you wouldn't tell me either way if you were involved, but — I'm just... it's suspicious, like a boardgame of Clue. Whodunnit, and all.

[DID ROBOTS MURDER HUMANS, WHEATLEY.]

[testgasm]

Uh. One of them did. But she was mental, honestly, and the rest of us--we didn't want anything to do with her. I can promise you that.

[groupiedrifter]

... I appreciate that you don't claim her, thanks. Why the hell did she decide that?

And how did she pull that off? That seems like a lot.

[testgasm]

She'd just as soon kill me as she would a bunch of humans, but she does--she does hate them the most. Do you really want to know how? It's, uh. Not exactly pleasant.

[groupiedrifter]

... Kinda, sorta, yeah. Absolutely yes.

I won't sleep at night if I say I don't want to know, because I do.

[testgasm]

Okay, well. A little morbid, but fine. She, ah. She locked down the facility, with everyone inside it, and then--and then gassed the place. Unpleasant. To watch, if you can--if you can imagine. Lots of gasping. Choking. You know how it is.

[...Wheatley...]

The rest she threw into cryo-suspension and then pulled 'em out when she wanted test subjects.

1/2

[groupiedrifter]

[........... urge to throw wheatley out airlock to be safe than sorry is rising]

[groupiedrifter]

[Okayokayokay-]

Is there at least an outside world full of people? Or are we talking full apoca-mode?

And what kinds of tests are we talking???

[testgasm]

You know, I'm not sure! I've never been outside, so I can't exactly speak to whatever was or is going on out there.

The tests, though. They were, ah. Cube-and-button-based.

[groupiedrifter]

I beg your pardon?

[Cube-and-button-based is the most ridiculously weird description, are you messing with him?]

[testgasm]

You know, cube-and-button-based. You've got--got sort of a puzzle room, you've got obstacles, and the goal is to put the cube on the button.

[groupiedrifter]

Okay. Right. Sure.

...

Why is this a thing that she's doing, again?

[testgasm]

No idea. [He has some idea.] Probably because she hated them, but mostly because she could, I think.

[groupiedrifter]

Gotcha. Out of curiosity, what happened to this homicidal robot?

[testgasm]

Well, she got her comeuppance eventually. Me and this human, we took her down. Mostly me, if I'm being honest, but I did--I did have some help.

[groupiedrifter]

[He hums, thoughtful.]

Is that why she wanted your metal ass deactivated?

You were trying to get her taken down? Or was this an issue before you picked sides?

[testgasm]

Oh, she and I go way back. I'm not a vengeful robot, necessarily, but let's just say it was a little payback. On my part.

[groupiedrifter]

... Man, who knew robots had such drama in their inner circles.