ximilia | TEXT. @PARKOUR

hey, so, full disclosure: this is super weird for me. i've never done this before. like, classically when i tell people bad stuff happens so i sorta don't tell anyone, but uh, here goes:

so i've got... superpowers. it feels like?? that's not that big a deal around here. some people are like 9 ft tall and can do magic (???) and have full robotic wings so it's just nbd but also for me it kinda is a big deal so it's a little scary to be upfront about this but i super duper did just liveblog my spider wall-crawling to the entire team during the last mission pandora's box is way open so yeah i have superpowers

( and apparently he's no better at trying to send brain messages, RIP friendos, his brain is just Like This )

but anyway, uh... since there are a lot of us, maybe if you wanna, we can... share??? nothing more than you are comfortable with, obviously, and trust me if you wanna hang back and stay quiet i get it. back home, i can't share this stuff. it gets people hurt. i was just thinking here, maybe... and since there's a ton of you like me or not even like me but different too, i don't know. maybe it'd be good for us to know who can do what? what we're all capable of? things we should look out for?

i guess i should go first. i, uh... can crawl on walls. everybody saw that (SIDEBAR that is my bad for that shaky camera work if i gave you motion sickness i am so so so sorry). i'm pretty strong too. and maybe be careful trying to touch me or throw things at me bc my senses make me react if it seems like a threat and i'm not super good at turning it off. i'm trying though. i have webslingers too, for flyin around?? so that's cool

uh... that's it? ama? i'll try and answer... or you can tell me anything, if you wanna talk shop. if you wanna keep things dl, private works. trust that i get it, this feels so viscerally uncomfortable, like those went to school in ur underwear dreams, only i really did it, holy snickerdoodle, i really hope this does not blow up in my face

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Would you feel driven to do it regardless of the obligation?

（ he understands the way family can shape you. so many things in his life came about because he didn't feel he was permitted to say no. however, obligation can also be a shield that justifies your doing something you would wish to do anyway. he's curious which it is. ）

that's a complicated question. i don't really know. maybe not? i've tried to stop ... superheroing before.

but things are worse when i stop. it's hard watching things happen when you know you can do something about it. so i have to keep going, even if not every part of it is awesome.

（ he had not entered this conversation expecting to be stricken with something that resonates quite so deeply. yet, one simple statement and if it's as if the boy has stepped in past his guard and slid a knife between the caging bones of his ribs, its point deftly pressed to the core of him.

his response is not immediate, but it does come. ）

Then it is a choice, not an obligation.

It's one not many would make.

( for Peter, it doesn't always feel like a choice. it's his responsibility, nobody can do what he does. if he doesn't, who will? even when he tried to push it all down and ignore, the guilt and duty ended up crawling back. eventually it got stronger than the miserable attempts to not be anyone anymore with Gwen gone. eventually that need to do Something trumped everything else. was it really a choice?

maybe it was. he can choose to ignore what he can do, or he can choose to use what he is for good. and as much as it sucks, everyone he's lost would want Peter to choose to keep fighting. so he does. )

maybe. i guess so.

i'm not sure about that. lots of people without any powers at all make intentional choices to make life better every day. i see it all the time. they do what they can with what they've got.

（ can anyone say the same of shinobi? their powers have been wielded for good and ill, but how many of them act independently of a mission, a job, an obligation? he cannot think of any who have ever been good just for goodness' own sake. even hashirama senju had his ulterior motives — peace is its own impetus.

the argument here, of course, is that power is a corrosive thing. it rusts the iron of good intentions until they exist only as a twist of pocked slag, only vaguely suggestive of the morals they once stood to represent. without power, being a good man would have been a simple thing, because it is easier to be good than it is to possess the ability to burn a city down to ash without using it. it may be a thing you do to protect, to preserve, to safeguard — but a life taken is a life lost no matter your reason. intent does not unmake evil done in the name of good.

but he does not care to speak on the depths of his own knowledge — that awareness is simply something that lives in him with the hungry eyes of a boundless void. ）

Do you think they are comparable things?

isn't it? maybe it's braver actually to put yourself out on a limb and in danger to help when you don't have superpowers to back it up

It is. If your abilities are such that fear can be removed from the equation of a conflict, it cannot by nature be bravery that compels you to act.

（ it is duty, then. or perhaps choice. ）

However, as those abilities increase in scale and scope, so too do the difficulties of engaging with the world as a peer to those who cannot match you. What can be defined as brave for you will shift in direct allegiance to what you fear.

it's not quite right to say i'm not scared? i get scared sometimes.

( but it's true that it doesn't have much to do with his own health and safety and more about what might happen to others if he fails. )

i guess that would be true. i don't really engage much, since, sort of a dangerous secret and everything. this is really my first time talking about it large scale. it's sorta wild. cool though

I imagine it's quite a comfort.

（ camaraderie? don't know her. ）

just nice to not be the only one, i guess. it's ... less lonely. nice to not be on my own for once. is that comfort? i can't think of a better word for it.

If it comforts you, I see no reason not to say as much.

There are many remarkable sorts here, it seems.

yeah. it was sort of trip when i first got here. i think i'm gonna miss it when i get to go back home.

( he's definitely going to miss it. back his lone spider lifestyle. he's honestly trying not to think about it much. )

TEXT. @PARKOUR

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sorry, was in another country for a bit!

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