ximilia | {voice, un: fullmetal}

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{voice, un: fullmetal}

[The date, 3rd of October, has him feeling rather pensive again. Just as he thought he would figure dealing with Father, getting Al his body back, he is yanked back here again. It's.....frustrating, to put it lightly. As much as he wants to scream at Viv to send him back. He knows he must have been pulled back here to help. That they need him. That Ed maybe hasn't done enough. Gathered enough orbs to earn that reward yet of getting Al back. Yet.

He sits in the sunlight room, pocket watch open at his lap if anyone approaches but he does turn on the feed.]

You think this will work? Gathering the orbs? To fix things? Is it worth it? I just feel like I've been trying to fix things for so long, not just here, but back home too. I feel like I was so close, and I got pulled back here again. And I can't help wondering. With some of the missions. The goals they give us. If at some point I might get something, some line I won't want to cross. For as much as I do want to fix things.

[He sighs, shaking his head as he isn't sure what more to say in his musings. In his worries. He figures even that much might be too much. That he might end up regretting even that. So he ends it there.]

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I know Al wouldn't want to fix things if it meant others had to die in exchange. That's why we are trying to figure the harder, longer way on fixing things back home. Or, that was -- is the plan. Besides me trying to fix things here too I guess.

[Ed tries to explain. He isn't really hiding that here. Not after all this time. He is still trying to be cautious in saying too much on Father or the Homunculi and their plan in using Amestris. But still, Al at least, he has talked about.]

Alphonse. My little brother. I want to fix things for him. He lost his body, I lost my leg in exchange for us attempting to bring back our mother. I bound his soul to a suit of armor. I want to get his original body back. That's why I'm here.

[ Suzaku's grateful they're on audio because w-wow. That's a lot of information in a few sentences. He's been here just long enough to start accepting the impossible — magic, angels, god knows what else — but that doesn't stop him from being thrown each time. The earpiece and method of communication don't help, since he has to get his thoughts together to send them through. ]

Ah, that's... Sorry, I'm still getting used to all of this. Things that weren't possible back home.

[ Binding souls, losing bodies, bringing people back from the dead... The last one, more than the others, is difficult to wrap his head around. If it wasn't so terribly personal, he'd want to ask if their attempt was successful. ]

But it sounds like you're doing everything you can, no matter how difficult it's been. I hope it works out.

It's okay. I know this is a lot. It was for me too. And -- well. Eventually I figure there wasn't any point still hiding about my past. About Al, how I lost my arm and leg. Of course people would ask. When seeing my prosthetics. But yeah. I'm doing my best.

[They all are. And not all of them are here for themselves but fixing regrets for others. Ed is not alone in that. He is aware. Ed is just also aware how....well, how much everything was upon arrival, so he totally relates if the other is still getting the hang of this technology. All the information.]

That's all anyone can do.

[ The idea of opening up about about his own regrets, or his past in general, is hard to imagine. Maybe that'll change over time, inevitably shifting as days here turn into weeks which turn into months. Until it's been long enough for distance to form between those memories. For now, though, it's just alien. ]

Good luck. With reaching your goal and doing it the right way. From what others have said about the missions, it can't have been easy.

[ Words equal parts sincere and weighted. His feelings of admiration weren't a lie, but they're not the full truth either. Ideals of avoiding bloodshed, keeping your hands clean in pursuit of a goal... It's a familiar naivete. One he's seen and done too much to easily believe in. ]

It isn't easy. No. Not always. But. We still have to try. I have to try.

[Because Ed can't stomach the alternative. If this is a chance to fix things for Al. If he didn't even try. If he gave up. He'd be giving up on his brother. Which is unacceptable. At least, to him. He can't speak for everyone else, but everyone seems motivated enough.]

I understand.

[ The circumstances and outlook may differ, but the determination itself — that's familiar. When stopping isn't an option, there's nothing to do but grit your teeth and keep moving forward. Even if it hurts, even if it costs almost everything. Which brings to mind a question it's probably kinder not to ask. ]

If it turns out you can't complete the contract without crossing those lines, what would you do? Go home and leave your regret as it is, or...?

Heh. That's....that's actually already happened, back home. We found out the truth behind the way we initially wanted to fix things. We weren't okay using that method anymore so we were looking into something else instead.

[The Stone. The way it was made. Ed couldn't agree to that. Refused, so had Al. So they were looking into alternatives, alkahestry, this Promised Day. And Ed being here to try figure another method if necessary. Whatever might work.]

That's right. You mentioned before that you were working on something before coming here. So, if this method fails, you'll still have that to fall back on.

[ He's almost envious. Before arriving, before an impossible offer was extended in a dream, there was no power that could undo his regret. Only atonement and the desperate scrabble to create a worthwhile difference out of the mistakes of the past. ]

I guess that makes it easier. Knowing that what you're doing here isn't the end, one way or another.

Hopefully either way I'll figure something, yeah. I don't care if I'm stuck like this but I want to get Al's situation fixed.

[At least. To Ed, Al's situation is worse. More desperate, more urgent. And always has been, in comparison to missing his arm and leg. He can get by with auto-mail if he has to. Al doesn't have that option. At least, the armor is a stop gap for the time being, it won't last for much longer, the way his soul is getting pulled back to his body at the Gate. His soul being rejected.]

Mm. I know I already said it, but good luck.

[ Because he may know almost nothing about family, but the voice on the other end sounds like a good brother. A good person too, probably. The kind who shouldn't have to be here, fighting to hold onto their ideals in the face of a potential devil's bargain. ]

I'm Suzaku, by the way. It was nice to meet you. [ Ish? Maybe an existential crisis isn't the typical introduction, but whatever. He's polite. ] If you ever need assistance on a mission, let me know. I'm a soldier, so I may be able to help.

[ With deescalating combat situations. Or, you know. Getting his hands dirty, if need be. ]

Suzaku then. Right. Ah, I'm Ed. And I'm actually in the military too. Since I was twelve.

[Even if just for access to their research. Their more restricted research not just anyone would be able to get their hands on. He still took the exam and was accepted. Accepted the strings that came with it. The pocketwatch and title of Fullmetal.]

Really?

[ He hadn't meant to let his incredulity leak through, but... Well, it is hard to believe. Age aside, Ed's ideals are even harder to reconcile with their shared career choice. Assuming it was a a choice in the first place. A possibility that's harder to stomach but distressingly plausible. He should be horrified but, mostly, he's simply baffled. And a little stuck on the thought that people call me naïve. ]

—Ah, sorry. That's just... very young. Where I'm from, at least. Joining at fourteen was rare enough.

[ Britannia's willing to make exceptions for particularly talented individuals — Anya is proof of that — but his enlistment passed through on the basis of his heritage. Laxer standards for cannon fodder and all that. ]

They made an exception for me. They don't usually go for kids that young.

[Ed was a prodigy. There were reasons the military had been keen to hire him on even with his young age. Ed knew the risks when he signed on for joining though. But it had been for Al. To try and help his brother. Not for any sort of fame or money or anything like that. Ed was merely using them the same way the military had been using him from the start.]

I did it for Al. To get access to the military's research. I figured maybe they might have something among that, that I could use to help my brother, is all. I knew what I was doing. That there was a risk if we were at war, I'd be called to fight. But if it gave me a chance to fix things...it would be worth it. Not that it matters now. I'm kinda on the run from the military back home.

[For disobeying orders from Kimblee. So not really for anything that bad. But still, that doesn't look the best on his record. If it simply says he was disobeying orders and not specifics on why Ed refused to follow what he was told to do.]

I... see.

[ Two simple words with nothing but question marks lurking behind. Aside from the whole desertion thing — which warrants enough concern on its own — he's almost equally thrown by the mention of research. Without context, the idea of a military easily giving out its own secrets to the lowest recruits is just baffling. Different worlds, indeed. ]

What did you do?

Disobeyed orders.

[He doesn't go into detail. On explaining why, how he had refused Kimblee's orders in Briggs. Just that very basic reason. Even that is probably enough. That Ed refused to obey orders and ran. Of course Suzaku does not have all the context. Some of it Ed is still keeping tight lipped about here even after over a year. Not that he doesn't trust some of his crew members, but more he worries on if someone else from home shows up it might not be his friends, allies, and he knows what happened to Hughes when he knew things they didn't want him to find out.]

Right.

[ The blunt explanation, a vast contrast to Ed's previous openness, doesn't go unnoticed. Over audio, Suzaku's reply comes through with the same reserve as always — any curiosity or judgement firmly buried. It helps that this conversation has already given him more than a few guesses on what those orders may have been. ]

I won't pry. Whatever you've done before coming here isn't anyone else's business.

I had my reasons. Didn't agree with what I was being told to do, is all.

[It's that simple. Ed stuck to his morals. Even here. The missions. He knows it doesn't always work out for those left behind. But he tries to help where he can, at least. Tries to do what he can for however long they are there. For the locals. To try help them while they are there, before finding the orb and leaving. Even when he knows it makes things harder for himself, he still sticks to his morals on these missions. On not using a gun.]

That's what I assumed.

[ Because it'd be pretty strange for anyone to willingly disobey orders they did agree with. Anyway, when it comes down to it, the reasons aren't all that important. What matters is the current situation. Where they're allies, if only by necessity. ]

Either way, my offer from before still stands. If you ever need help or a training partner, let me know.

I can always use some sparring partners. I'm used to sparring every day with Al, back home together. I try keep it up as best I can here, keep from getting too rusty.

[So he won't say no to the offer. Not at all. It's important, good, to keep up training to be prepared with the missions. Ed doesn't want to get too rusty. And it helps in keeping him from getting too restless if he burns off some energy.]

I'm the same way. Even when there wasn't anyone to spar with back home, I always tried to make time to stay in shape. That seems just as important to maintain while we're here.

[ Or, in the absence of Knightmare frames, more important. ]

Whenever you're free, let me know. I'll see you in the training room.

Sure. I can see you there. As long as you don't mind the auto-mail, my metal prosthetics.

[Ed isn't sure how used to that Suzaku might be. In sparring with others with prosthetics, that weight difference. Let alone that Ed might with them hit a little harder potentially than the other might be used to. Figures to give the other a heads up in warning, to be safe. To be sure if the other is okay with it.]

No, I don't see why they'd be a problem.

[ Sure, he's never sparred against someone with prosthetics before, metal or otherwise. Even so, he's confident in his ability to adjust. ]

Just making sure. I know nobody else here is used to, familiar with auto-mail prosthetics is all. It's different, the weight, how hard it might hit in comparison to regular limbs. So I figured to check.

[So Suzaku would be aware what he was getting into. Ed is no expert, no Izumi. But he could generally hold his own alright between his hand to hand and his alchemy. He just wants someone to spar with hand to hand to avoid getting rusty.]

Thanks, Ed. That's considerate of you.

[ And it brings up an interesting point. Sparring is all about understanding and working within limits based on each of the participant's capabilities. That's hard enough to gauge when it's simple variances in speed and strength being measured, but factoring in the abilities and other strange things he's encountered since arriving... Well, it gets a little more complicated. ]

We can always take it slow at first, and see how it goes. That way I can see how significant the difference is before we go too far.

Edited 2022-10-23 21:54 (UTC)

Yeah, sure. I was only going with hand to hand. Wasn't figuring anything that major.

[He doesn't expect anything that hard out given it would just be simple sparring. Practice. They wouldn't be going all out in really trying to hurt each other or anything. He does not figure that it would be anything that hard out.]

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