video | un: batclown69

[slapsticks]

[ The video opens on a woman sitting in a chair with her hands folded in her lap and her ankles crossed. Her skin is bleached white and she wears dark red lipstick with pink eye shadow around one eye and blue eye shadow around the other. Her hair is pulled into an up-do, which of course signals the utmost professionalism, never mind the bun atop her head dyed pink and blue. She wears eyeglasses and a white lab coat over her usual attire of red and black color-blocked crop top and shorts. ]

Hi Ximilia! [ She waves. ] I'm one of your new arrivals. My name is Harley Quinn and I happen to be a psychiatrist. For those who need further explanation, a psychiatrist is a medical professional that specializes in mental health. So if you're feeling like outer space is making you antsy or you're hanging on to some baggage from last mission (I heard it was a doozy) then I'm the doctor for that!

I'm not starting a formal practice or anything, but I'm happy to share my expertise with the crew. First consultation is free and there's no obligation to continue! (Just kidding, we're not doing capitalism in space.)

And a general Q because I'm curious to know: What is mental health treatment like where you're from?

Comments

audio; un: felix

[swordandshield]

Okay, now I'm officially pissed off at this new batch of arrivals. Seriously? This is what we get? A psychopath trying to play doctor? Are we letting in Batman villains now? Is that what this is?

[He's seriously trying to decide if this is for real or not. It could be another network prank. It could also be real. What the fuck is wrong with this station. He hates it here, thanks.]

[slapsticks]

I no longer identify as a villain, thank you very much.

[swordandshield]

[The merc with a mouth (wait, wrong account for that title) is actually taken aback by that response. Was she serious?]

...are you fucking with me?

[slapsticks]

I am being very straightforward, actually.

[swordandshield]

But you did consider yourself a villain previously?

[slapsticks]

I wasn't just a villain, I was one of the greats. I indirectly got rid of the Justice League, brought anarchy to Gotham, killed Penguin and Mr. Freeze— okay, Freeze sorta sacrificed himself but I made it happen! Point is, I was super fucking badass.

But I've since experienced a great deal of personal growth and come to realize that supervillainy just isn't for me anymore.

[swordandshield]

[She was really into this Batman villain thing. She couldn't really be Harley Quinn from the comic books? Movies? Bazillion other media styles out there? Like, seriously.]

...I stand corrected. The station has gone batshit insane and actually brought in a Batman villain.

[ He's all too vividly reminded of the conversation with Price about Sharkface. The idea of the two of them (Harley and Price) in a room comes unbidden and he does not like it at all. Too many psychiatrists in one room.

. . .

He shudders and moves on.]

At least you're one of the better na- no, I can't say that with a straight face. At least you're one of the more...fun...ones? Yeah, okay. In some iterations. Let's go with that.

[slapsticks]

Let me guess, you preferred me when I was full clown and still wrapped around Joker's finger. Typical guy opinion.

[swordandshield]

To be honest, lady, I never paid that much attention. But let's also be real... that would take the fun out of meeting you in person and trying to hit on you myself.

[Is he a typical guy? You bet. Would her iteration of Joker's little puppet be fun to fuck? Not really. He'd prefer his name out of her lips, not some psychopath he was definitely nothing like.]

[slapsticks]

Wow, you somehow made it worse. Impressive feat of douchebaggery right there.

[swordandshield]

You're welcome. Don't worry, I have no interest in psychopaths.

[Says the pot to the kettle.]

[slapsticks]

That's a shame because you'd have so much in common with one.

[swordandshield]

You don't even know me!