ximilia | Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc!

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]

[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]

[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]

[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[as if this nerd is gonna mind someone else nerding out at him.]

Splatterfest? Grindhouse? I'm unsure what these words mean, but you have my curiosity, Sean.

I tried to put as much on here as possible! feel free to ask me questions though!!

Reasonably confident that's a no.

He's doing it for team bonding. Getting to know you. Add people's name to the birthday calendar.

Aw, bro, no favorite toy? You're gonna lose points when they pass out the grades.

cats? seriously? don't you know there's a war, girl?

[ Listen, he's going text with most people on here, but Lúthien is absolutely an exception. He could listen to this chick talk all day. ]

impeccable taste as always, mamacita. what's it gonna take to get you to sing for everyone again, anyway? don't tell me we gotta get another meteor up in here.

[wowow not intentionally!? he's only being truthful here, okay! and if it happens to stab wei wuxian right in the heart, well, it's obviously just an unforeseen casualty, given the circumstances. (and is it really so bad that cuteness was what destroyed the fearsome yiling laozu in the end?)]

I'm being sincere, I don't think there is one! Unless... [hmmm. let him think harder on this and—] Wait, do the required handstands count?

[ Maybe shapeshifting? You may as well have been blowing a dog whistle, sweetie. ]

shapeshifting, huh? and who inspired that particular dream? any handsome hounds on the crew making you seethe with jealousy recently?

[ Normally, Jake wouldn't set someone up this well for a devastating dunk. But Sizhui? He was a very sweet kid, probably the sweetest they had on the crew. He didn't have anything to worry about. ~~Right?~~ ]

Edited 2023-07-03 23:21 (UTC)

I can't help it they're so cute! even if they hate me for some reason....... but what does war have to do with it? what are you team dog or something?

what kinda shady market dealing are you trading it, homeslice.

[ Kids??? ]

dog? not dogs? was that just a semantic choice, or are you more of a single-issue dog fan versus a widescale appreciator.

[ Does he have personal investment in the answer or is he just being difficult? Or, is it both? (Yeah, it's both). ]

you wanna hear eloquent? check this out:

File transfer initiated: jakesguidetolife.mp3

wolves?? WOLVES??

why don't you use that magic marker of yours and draw me a new heart, 'cuz mine's broken now.

indigo, huh? [ That's cute. ] what kinda music do you like, kid?

bro, what's with that expression. you look like you're up to something.

y'know, you and i have never had a conversation that's ever lasted longer than two or three comments. you wanna try to break our record?

[ He assumes it's because he's not human, which is not a big affront to him personally. But that doesn't mean he's not gonna be difficult about it. ]

Edited 2023-07-03 23:36 (UTC)

I don't download suspicious files from strange dogs.

[in the distance you may have heard .5 seconds of whoopie cushion sounds.]

what kind of amnesia? we talking blunt force trauma, plain ol' regular trauma, magical curse...?

What? I'm smiling! Not up to anything at all!

the secrets of life are lost on incurious minds like yours, homie.

[ In the distance, you definitely hear significantly more seconds of Jake loudly laughing at his own hilarious jokes. Must be a day ending in Y. ]

( unfortunately fitz is exactly 0 fun )

I like all dogs. And most animals, honestly.

heck yeah, i'm team dog. you could say i'm captain of team dog. head of recruitment, too.

what's it gonna take to get you to switch over to our side, girlie? other than guaranteeing no scratches or girlfriend stealing. no cat is gonna be able to promise you either of those, i speak from personal experience.

oh yeah? what's with the sidelong glance? who's off on the other side of the page?

[ We'll see about that. ]

aw, no, homie! you should've stopped while you were ahead, i was feeling pretty special.

[ Wow, he must really like dogs. Maybe he works with them or something? ]

I don't have a girlfriend so that argument isn't gonna work on me~ and getting scratched would involve me being able to get close, so I'm safe there too but let's see... can dogs be ok with a tiny apartment in the city? we're talking small. super small

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Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

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