Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

text; un: felix

[swordandshield]

[Another crazy chick that won't get yelled at for talking about murder casually. Well, he can't resist poking that with a stick.]

Maybe you just need better questions. How are these for more pertinent information: What's your favorite method of murder? Favorite weapon? How good are you at hand-to-hand combat? What won't you murder? Anything?

[a2brutus]

Stabbing. Whatever I have on hand. Better than you. Humans.

That about sums it up.

[swordandshield]

[Wow, rude. There weren't many people that were better than him at murdering people especially in hand-to-hand combat. Okay, there was an uneven amount of those said people on board this station but that was not the point. And did she just imply she wasn't human? Okay, that might track with earlier network posts he'd seen once he gets his little rat-wheel brain going. Fine, fine. She could have it.]

See? Now we're getting somewhere.

Although gotta say, if you won't murder humans that kind of takes out a lot of options. What good is a murder robot if it can't actually commit any murder? So is that species specific? Or does any sentient being count as off limits?

[a2brutus]

Don't call me a robot.

[swordandshield]

Okay. Then what are you? An AI in a mechanical body?

[a2brutus]

I'm an Android.

[swordandshield]

Wait- is there a distinction between an android and a robot that I'm unaware of?

[a2brutus]

Yeah. There is. Doesn't matter, don't call me a robot.

[swordandshield]

Fair enough. You're about as sassy as the ones back where I'm from though, just saying.

You gonna answer those other questions, A2?

[a2brutus]

No.

[swordandshield]

Even if I re-ask nicely?

[a2brutus]

No.

[swordandshield]

Well okay then.

[There's just a long enough pause to think he's given up. Then:]

But how am I to know if you're a reliable form of back-up in a fight if you won't be more specific?

[a2brutus]

I'm not back up. I'm the problem solver.

[swordandshield]

Well can you solve a problem involving a non-human species of organic origin then? For future reference.

[a2brutus]

Do you need everything spelled out for you?

[swordandshield]

No, just the important parts.

[a2brutus]

I can kill anyone who isn't human.

There. There's the answer you couldn't figure out when I said the only people I can't harm are humans.

[swordandshield]

Just checking. Would hate to send you to clean up a problem that you can't fix.

People like me, well, they don't have that pesky little issue to get in the way. So, call me if you need help with something you can't handle, sweetie.

[a2brutus]

Call me sweetie again and I'll make sure that "Pesky" problem I have isn't a problem anymore.

It's there for your safety. Not mine.

[swordandshield]

You got it, A2.

[Is he smiling behind this text? Yes, yes he is.]

text; UN: Wei Wuxian

[singlelogbridge]

[Mostly because he saw all of that and she's his new hero]

If you don't want to break your streak, feel free to send him my way.

text; un: A2

[a2brutus]

Sounds like someone is a known asshole.

[singlelogbridge]

that's one way of putting it. I don't think he has many friends aboard the Ximilia. Can't imagine why not with that pleasant attitude of his, hmm?

I'm Wei Wuxian. I don't believe we've met before.

[a2brutus]

Can't imagine. If he starts shit with me I will shove my metal fist so far up his ass he'll be spitting bolts.

A2, obviously.