Video | welcome, hallo, buenos días, ohayō, etc, etc! | UN: Newt

[groupiedrifter]

[Newt comes shuffling into view on the screen, holding a cup of coffee in his hand with a bag of what seems to be Sour Patch Kids harrowingly hanging out from beneath the pinky finger of the very same hand. Disheveled but more than happy to provide his services after dragging himself out of bed, he taps his knuckle on the chalkboard beside him — one that used to be Hermann Gottlieb's, may he rest in peace (in a not dead way — may he rest in peace on a beach or something while wholly alive and thriving).]

Noticed an influx of new and kinda-new faces over the last few days or weeks or whatever.

So here's my handy dandy welcome board! Recently updated, to keep with the times.

Read it over and get a feel for how this place goes; I'm gonna finish off this coffee before I take any questions.

[As he takes the world's most obnoxious-sounding sip and burns his tongue, here's the board in question:]



[And then, after a bit of time, he turns the board over to the other side:]



[No worries, current crew, if you can't get one of those introduction papers in person!

Because he's attached them in file format, too.]



[And in case you wanted a text format copy:

Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Favorite color:
Favorite food:
Favorite subject:
Favorite toy:
Favorite animal:
Favorite candy:
Favorite activity:
Favorite place:
Favorite book:
Favorite TV show:
Favorite movie:
I am good at:
I want to learn:
Least favorite subject:
Place I want to go:
If I could make one wish, it would be:
If I could have one superpower, it would be:
This is what I want my teacher to know about me:

(Have at it — threadjacking is encouraged).]

Comments

[ravkas]

how narrow-minded of you. i think you just want to see me in front of a firing squad.
the goal is not to have a regime at all. and i'm not above planning a dramatic death in which the entire country mourns my passing, after which i go off to adventure the high seas. i'm very hard to kill, you see.
i just need time. and for people to stop trying to kill me.

[laviny]

If I wanted you dead I would kill you myself.

So are you an anarchist? Is that what you’re saying?

[ravkas]

you remind me of someone i know.

that word has such negative connotations. besides, how can the king not believe in his own rule? i believe in peace and prosperity, and i'll do what it takes so that my country can remain independent and my people can pursue the lives that they deserve.
are you an anarchist? it's not the worst thing to be, by far. you could be a pet spider owner. that's much worse.

[laviny]

Malyen, Alina or someone else?

[It better not be Kirigan. She is much cooler than him.]

You speak pretty words. I hope you can follow through so Ravka doesn’t end up like Russia.

I’m an assassin. A Black Widow assassin, actually.

[Since he brought up spiders.]

[ravkas]

fantastic. you know my two favorite people here. has alina mentioned me?
you remind me of my general. she, too, often reminds me that i am but a mortal king in the face of her immense power.

[ That Guy is the last person on his mind, considering he still thinks he's blessedly deceased. ]

it's not the only pretty thing about me.

saints. do you carry spiders around? are you friends with them? do you make little suits for all of their millions of legs? why do they need so many legs?

[ the assassin part is fine. the spider part is not. ]

[laviny]

No. Never. I didn’t even know you existed until today.

No, I think it is Spider-Man that does that. [Spider-Man does not do that.] Black Widows are just female assassins.

[ravkas]

[ (╥﹏╥) ]

she only discovered i was here very recently. i'm sure it came as quite the shock and she's still processing the magnitude of my presence. we have quite a bit of history.

and do you enjoy your job, or have you considered other avenues of employment?

[laviny]

If it makes you feel better to think that, okay, sure.

I like it now that I am a free agent and not being controlled by a megalomaniac.

[ravkas]

how did you come to be friends?

ah, private work is the best way. i had a friend who adventured the high seas as a privateer and i would love to trade my kingship for a place on that ship.

[laviny]

Going on missions together, mostly. It’s how most of us become friends here.

Yes, I guess it’s a little like that. Though I don’t have much experience with ships. I can pilot things, though.

[ravkas]

and she never mentioned a handsome prince giving her a giant emerald and his hand in marriage?

can you? i also pilot things. i apprenticed with a marvelous civil engineer and learned to build them, too. things that fly, i mean. planes that fly. and ships that fly.

[laviny]

No. I already told you that.

I think she had a thing with Rhysand, who was like faery royalty or something, though. But they weren’t married. Probably.

Anyway, I didn’t know Ravka had planes. Are your ships space ships?

[ravkas]

oh. faery royalty. well, that's nice.












not to pry, but is she not with mal? romantically? in a star-crossed "i can't live without my daily brooding session" sort of way?

they're not space ships. i kept a telescope out on the terrace to watch the stars, but never got around to constructing a ship that would go quite that far. parts are scarce, so i'd have to hire thieves to get raw materials, and that's highly frowned upon once you're king.

[laviny]

Okay, isn’t that the sort of thing you should ask one of them? I know them and I like them, but I can’t tell you what their relationship is like. They don’t talk about that with me.

Ohhh. I get it now. You are very arrogant and rich, and you like technology and inventing things. You are like Ravka's Tony Stark. I get it, I get it.

[If Tony Stark were also a ruler, which is a terrible thought, actually.]

Too bad about the space ships, though.

[ravkas]

so they're clearly not in a good place, or they're in no place at all. trust me, you would know if things were going swimmingly. you would see it. over and over again. endlessly.

you say those things like they're bad.

[laviny]

I would point out to you that this is public and they can see you saying that, but you just got yelled at, so you’ve probably noticed.

Being arrogant is kind of bad, yes. Being rich can also be bad, depending on what you do with it. Liking technology is fine, though.

[ravkas]

well, i've never seen mal read anything in his life.

we need rich people around so they can continue to hire you to assassinate all the people they dislike. i won't be hiring you, but i generally support the freedom to work. yours is a bit questionable, though.

[laviny]

That’s rude. That is a rude thing to say. This is why arrogance is bad.

Well, you know, I’ve been doing it since I was 6, my options are limited. It’s a specific skill set.

text / un: solnishka

[peasant]

THIS IS STILL PUBLIC

[ boi why are you like this. ]

Text; un: belova

[laviny]

Is he always like this?

[peasant]

all the time, unfortunately
someone let him off his leash for too long

[laviny]

Oh. Well. My condolences.

text — un: SOBACHKA

[ravkas]

alina!

well. i suppose i could've just asked you, but it never felt appropriate. also, faeries are real?

[peasant]

gossiping about it on the network was appropriate?

[ ]

no, he was my imaginary friend
of course faeries are real. are you honestly surprised?

[ravkas]

i wouldn't call it gossip. it was more like investigative research.

[ is alina mad fr take 200000000 ]

i've never truly considered it, but having taken a moment to do so, no, i'm not surprised.
royalty? would this be considered a type for you?